46 Pantsuitist Candidates Already Lined Up For Presidential Primary Showdown

The field of candidates to take the Pantsuitist position challenging Trump in the 2020 election has swollen to 46, a figure that only includes declared candidates. Undeclared candidate, frontrunner, and former assistant to Hussein Bahamas, Joe Biden is facing an early obstacle as Pantsuitists debate how far to take their "believe women" mantra when it concerns their own ranks. The aged Biden has a long history of making affectionate contact with women and children at campaign events, a habit which began long before his party's recent Puritan turn against any contact between homo sapiens that isn't explicitly homosexual.

These assaults have recently been used by Pantsuitists to deperson many of their own strongest supporters in order to create openings for younger, dumber replacements. Thanks to the rapid changes in their behavioral rules enabled by taking social media mobs seriously, anyone who subscribes to pantsuit insanity finds themself incapable of defending themself from future charges as popular mores become ever more Puritan. Especially if the only thing moderating the lynch mobs surrounding Biden is that he was Hussein Bahamas's Vice President less than three years ago.

Given the immense size of the field and popular consensus that the incumbent Trump is deeply unpopular, this is set to be an incredibly bloody primary contest.

English Judge: "I Cannot Think Of Any More Obviously Fundamental Human Right Than The Right Of A Man To Have Sex With His Wife"

In a British case where social service officials decided that one man's ambiguously cognitively impaired wife might not be able to consent following an unspecified decline in her condition and thusly the two shouldn't be able to ever fuck again according to social work law, presiding Judge Justice Hayden declined the social worker's request to issue a preliminary court order barring marital sex (archived). In a decision outraging the social work lobby the Honorable Justice Hayden instead is insisting on hearing evidence and legal arguments before any orders are imposed by the court.

In a three way showdown Hayden will be hearing arguments from lawyers representing the husband, the wife, and the local council's meddling social workers.

US Faces Rising Sex Inequality With 1/4 Of US Men Not Getting Any During 2018

Data coming out of the United States suggests record high numbers of adult males not having sex with a full quarter of the adult male population failing to fuck at all in 2018 (archived). The number rises to nearly 30% for men under 30. The same investigation suggests only 18 percent of females failed to get at least one dicking.

Not Much Brexiting On Brexit Day As Brits Still Wanking Over How To Brexit

With Brexit Day winding to a close the Brits are still wanking over how exactly to Brexit with Parliament voting "no" leaving with a deal and leaving without a deal. Theresa May is calling for a fourth vote on her "soft Brexit" deal thrice rejected in parliament next week, should her government survive that long. Once again modern democracy inteprets a simple proposition, in this case "leave the EU", as anything but the actual fucking words.

EU Mandating Speed Naggers In All Cars By 2022

The European Union has passed a measure requiring cars to be fitted with a nagging speed nanny systems by 2022 (archived). The naggers will import speed data from the vehicle's GPS reported location as well as from a forward pointed camera intended to read speed limit signs. During the first implementation phase driver's will be able to over ride the system and disable it, though every time the vehicle starts the nagger will be enabled by default. Eventually EU social engineers have expressed their hope that with continued exposure to the nagger, they will be able to remove the allowance for its disabling. Mandatory pre-wiring with a harness to allow installation of alcohol interlock devices without further vehicle modification is included in this nanny state measure as well.

Post Brexit Britain will also suffer imposition of the naggers as well under its current transportation regime thanks to the eagerness of bureaucrats to agree to absolutely anything at all, so long as they have an opportunity to agree to something.

Rescued Migrants Hijack Commercial Vessel At Sea

The commercial vessel Elhiblu 1 rescued 108 migrants and was hijacked by the same after the the mass of humanity pulled from the sea discovered the ship would be taking them back to Africa rather than onward to Europe (archived). This is not the first time helpless African migrants turned violent against their maritime saviors after discovering their rescuers logistics conflicted with their wishes.