Former Obama Administration Official Indicted For Violating Foreign Agent Registration Laws Following Special Counsel Investigation Into Trump Campaign

Former White House Counsel in the Hussein Bahamas administration Greg Craig has been indicted for shennanigans including action as an unregistered foreign agent and lying to conceal that fact (archived). Craigs indictment comes in the wake of a Special Counsel investigation into alleged collusion between foreign governments and the Trump Presidential campaign which found no such conclusion. Instead, it appears malfeasance discovered during the investigation is set to take down numerous Pantsuitist figures starting with this Craig fellow.

Ecuador To Recieve 4.2 Billion USD IMF "Extended Fund Facility" (Coincidentally British Police Managed To Arrest Former Ecuador Embassy Resident Julian Assange Inside Embassy)

Ecuador has ended their asylum for Anglophone dissident Julian Assange after nearly seven years of providing the rebel sanctuary in their London Embassy (archived). In what is surely completely unrelated development the US directed International Monetary Foundation has approved a 4.2 billion USD "Extended Fund Facility" to provide (archived):

support for the Ecuadorean government’s economic policies over the next three years.

The deal allowed the immediate disbursment of 652 million USD to the government of Ecuador when it was announced in March. Following Assange's arrest inside the Embassy on a five year old British process warrant the US published an indictment of Assange. This was quite the bounty to be paid for a single head by an increasingly poor US.

Heroic Roomba Occupies Numerous Oregon "Law Enforcement" Man Hours In Standoff

Numerous Oregon police officers were called to respond to the calls of a panicked woman afraid of a bathroom invader.  Multiple Sheriff's department deputies and at least one K-9 officer were diverted to attend to the situation. Guns drawn the agents of the criminal US government opened the bathroom door only to discover a floor cleaning robot trapped in the bathroom (archived).

F-35 Pain Continues: Japan Loses One Over Pacific, Grounds Rest

International malaise among US allies purchasing F-35 fighters continues as Japan loses one of their few over the Pacific, an event that has lead them to ground the rest of their F-35 fleet (archived). Other US allies including Italy are looking to escape the costly boondoggle while NATO member Turkey managed to escape the program by prioritizing the purchase of state of the art Russian air defense missiles over the fighters of a utility so questionable the US has had to resort to purchasing foreign turboprop aircraft to handle a portion of the F-35's designed mission.

US Government, CENTCOM Added To List Of Terrorist Organizations By Major Regional Power

Iran's Supreme Council has added US Government, US military CENTCOM, and all of their affiliates to their list of recognized terrorist organizations. This follows the example set by the Serene Republic which has recognized the criminal organization calling itself the United States Government as a rogue terrorist state for years.

Google Gives Up On Assembling AI Ethics Panel Over Irreconcilable Political Differences

Google's effort to put together an ethics advisory panel failed after the inclusion of a single member of a conservative leaning centerist political organization organization caused many of Google's other selections to quit (archived). Kay Cole James, the "problem" nominee is president of the Heritage Foundation, an organization which has been an infuential part of the US's political mainstream as evidenced by decades of successful political lobbying. Google announced they would abandon the effort but surely try something again soon.

Outrage specifically centered around comments made by James on transgender issues where he advocated positions which would not have been contested in mainstream US political discourse before the second Hussein Bahamas administration. However irreconcilable differences are becoming normal in US politics and Silicon Valley social engineering firms like Google are increasingly drivers of the division.

Bezos Deals: 35 Billion USD In Amazon Stock To Wife For Splitting

Jeff Bezos and his beleaguered ex-wife MacKenzie have reached a divorce agreement which will make Jeff's ex the "World's 4th Richest Woman" holding a 4% stake in Amazon valued at ~35 billion USD (archived). MacKenzie declined to take stakes in Jeff's rocket startup Blue Origin or Jeff's troubled Washington Post gossip network. MacKenzie is ceding her stock's voting rights to Jeff for 25 years. The dissolution of the Bezos household comes after Bezos indiscretely dipped into a nearly 50 year old matron behind MacKenzie's back.

Bezos has taken to blaming the House of Saud for hacking his phone and leaking his sexts in recent days (archived).

46 Pantsuitist Candidates Already Lined Up For Presidential Primary Showdown

The field of candidates to take the Pantsuitist position challenging Trump in the 2020 election has swollen to 46, a figure that only includes declared candidates. Undeclared candidate, frontrunner, and former assistant to Hussein Bahamas, Joe Biden is facing an early obstacle as Pantsuitists debate how far to take their "believe women" mantra when it concerns their own ranks. The aged Biden has a long history of making affectionate contact with women and children at campaign events, a habit which began long before his party's recent Puritan turn against any contact between homo sapiens that isn't explicitly homosexual.

These assaults have recently been used by Pantsuitists to deperson many of their own strongest supporters in order to create openings for younger, dumber replacements. Thanks to the rapid changes in their behavioral rules enabled by taking social media mobs seriously, anyone who subscribes to pantsuit insanity finds themself incapable of defending themself from future charges as popular mores become ever more Puritan. Especially if the only thing moderating the lynch mobs surrounding Biden is that he was Hussein Bahamas's Vice President less than three years ago.

Given the immense size of the field and popular consensus that the incumbent Trump is deeply unpopular, this is set to be an incredibly bloody primary contest.