Clicking On "Terrorist Content" Felonized In Airstrip One

"Royal" assent was given to a "Counter terrorism and border security" bill that purports to make viewing "terrorist content", including this very article, a criminal offense (archived). Per the "law", having clicked on a link to "terrorist" content is sufficient to begin accumulating transgressions against the crown leading up to a hypothetical 15 years in prison.

British Mum Arrested At Home For Gendering Fellow Online

A 38 year old British mother was arrested at home in front of her children before going through the standard British intake procedure surrendering fingerprints, DNA, and a photograph after referring to a man in an online forum by his God given sex and the name his parents gave him (archived). Because the man chooses to larp about the world as a woman, Airstrip One's agents of violence decided her posting was a transgression against the Crown, a Crown which long abdicated its old position of sovereignty over their former colonies' European forward operating base.

In other news, the man who had the entirety of his hand below the wrist taken from him by Macronist forces over the weekend was a plumber (archived).

British Broadcasting Corporation Now Publishing Articles In Language They Describe Only As "Pidgin"

It has come to attention that the BBC, a Royal Chartered and tax funded broadcaster in Airstrip One, is now publishing articles online in a language they describe only as "pidgin" (archived). Nevermind that "pidgin" means not any particular language, but a type of simplified intermediate language stuck between two or more grown up languages. Consider the top "De one we dem de read well well" story on today's BBC pidgin page, for which they advertise a September 6th, 2017 publication (archived):1

Woman wan troway poo-poo, come trap for window

Woman wey take her hand, pack her poo-poo comot di toilet of man wey she dey friend because "e no gree flush" enter trouble, after she go try collect di poo-poo back.

The woman wey dey learn gymnastics, just start to waka with Bristol student, Liam Smith, for di first time, when she take fear troway di poo-poo comot for window.

Instead make di thing land for garden, di poo-poo come jam between two windows wey no dey open wide.

Di lady decide to carry her thing back; she use head enter the small space wey di poo-poo bin dey, but na so she come trap for there, and trouble start.

Mr Smith say im no get choice but to call fire service make dem help remove di girl, along with her poo-poo.

Now, im don dey try raise money to repair di windows wey break, so e write all di tori for inside one University of Bristol crowd funding page.

And on it goes. Observe some headlines:

  • Anglophone crisis: Gunshots, killings, car burning, as separatists force ‘lockdown’ for pipo
  • Tiger nut drink fit wake up your sex drive – Nutritionist
  • Anoda woman don die afta 'Brazilian bum-bum' to add extra ikebe
  • 'We fit vote wrong party on election day'
  • Ghana Foreign Ministry remove Mahatma Gandhi statue from University campus afta protests say he be 'racist'
  • Ambulances no dey, yet you wan use $12 million for medical drones – Minority blast Ghana gov't
  • Yaba #MarketMarch to stop touch-touch make us almost chop beating – Organizer
  • Sexual Harassment: Yaba market march to stop touch-touch make us almost chop beating – Organizer

The last two headlines suggest this particular pidgin is a rather squishy thing. The editors want to press a line in a way that's understood while also forcing their preferred buzzword into the pidgin as it continues to develop. Further analysis of this Royally Chartered "BBC Pidgin" discovered in the wild is left to the bloggers.


  1. A rather damning indictment of traffic for BBC Pidgin stories  

Bolton Watch: Bank Of England Takes ~31 Tons Of Venezuelan Gold, US "Greatest Ally" Israel Joins Regime Change Push, Frances Macron Refuses Popular Demands For New Elections

Over the weekend the Bank of England revealed their willingness to extend Airstrip One's domestic mammy state policies to foreign reserve deposits places in their trust by explicitly denying the Venezuelan government's right to retrieve their gold (archived). Venezuela under Maduro's leadership has been attempting to repatriate their foreign gold reserves in spite of obstruction by Airstrip One in the leadup to the US regime change effort going live.

Meanwhile Israel, "Greatest Ally" of the USG decided on Sunday to support the USG line on Venezuela days later than the rest of USG's dwindling allies (archived).

Finally over the weekend Yellow Jacket protesters convened for the 11th consecutive weekend. Numerous French casualties were suffered at the hands of Macron's forces including a protest leader whose eye was taken from him (archived). The despot Macron has lauded foreign meddling in Venezuela's democracy, demanding the Maduro's recent election be invalidated while his own Presidential term be sustained in spite of widespread French opposition to his policies and his person.

Oxford University Suspends "Donor Relationship" With Huawei

Oxford University is refusing to allow new research grants and incoming donations from Chinese alt-Cisco Huawei (archived). The US, UK and other five eyes states object to Huawei's existing for ambiguously declared national security reasons rooted in:

  1. Huawei equipment handling internet traffic while they would prefer Cisco equipment under their control do the same, and every piece of Huawei kit deployed denies a Cisco machine the opportunity to be racked.
  2. The Five Eyes are concerned the Chinese goverment may have the same level of control over Huawei kit they have over Cisco.

Oxford however is keeping the donations Huawei made while spending the grants have already taken from Huawei.

Airstrip One: Courts Lost Their IT And Claim "No Cyberattack"

Information technology supporting courts in the United Kingdom failed, and the failure is being blamed on a "data center outage" rather than a "cyber attack" (archived). Correspondence was lost, but the courts are emphatically insisting that no prisoners were "unlawfully freed" as unlawful freeing is impossible if court's determination of guilt can't be registered with the case management systems down.

All of the insisting that there was no foul play involved with no one "unlawfully" escaping the court supports the strong possibility of exactly that outcome when the reputation of the people doing the insisting is considered.

Black Horse Down: UK 'Faster' Interbank Payment Network Fucking Lloyds Group Banks

Customers of Lloyds group banks in Airstrip One are suffering problems with the new UK Interbank 'Faster Payments' network (archived). The problem 'Faster' interbank system is the result of an initiative to reduce the time required for transactions between UK banks to clear from days to seconds, or in the worst case hours. Complications arising from the payment network glitches are apparently rendering the banks' mobile apps and websites unreliable as well.

Britain To Ban Transactions Involving Puppies And Kittens Through Most Channels

Airstrip One will ban the sale of all dogs and cats under 6 months old through all third parties compelling Britons to go directly to the breeder or an "animal rehoming center" to acquire a puppy or kitten (archived). All private transactions involvine puppies or kittens outside of these two avenues will be forbidden under British law including private sales and rehoming as well as retail or veterinarian sales and "rehoming" in another British attack on private commerce.