USG And Victims Deny Allegations Of Chinese Ownership Of Their Implanted Servers

Various "national security" agencies in the US and Airstrip One are aggressively denying reports that server motherboards assembled in China for their darlings including Amazon and Apple by way of a defense contractor, contained hardware implants allowing for Chinese ownership of the machines (archived). The language of the denials, especially on the part of the afflicted darlings, involves substantial claims and fabrications of ignorace with respect to this particular embarrassing episode. At the same time the denials on the part of the companies are sufficiently slimey to likely evade claims of fraud over the denials when weighed according to the rituals performed by empire courts at a later date.

Given their hallucinations of immunity from claims, denials by "national security" agencies are rarely bounded by such cautions. Given the weight of incentives, hedging by parties that might have problems, and the contrasting boldness by parties imagining themselves to immunity from those problems… The credibility of these denials is very low.

Intel Adds "Anti Benchmarking" Clause To Licenses For Microcode Updates

Intel has begun attaching a license clause prohibiting comparative benchmarking to its CPU microcode updates (archived). Intel has spent the past year deluged with reports of critical flaws in their CPUs related to speed optimizations which fundamentally compromise the ability of their chips to be secure, especially in multi user systems. This fumbling by Intel to supress comparative benchmarks between patched and unpatched chips is only their latest attempt to paper over how much of their chips' fradulent speed advantage is lost with anything resembling effective mitigations1 for these engineered holes.


  1. Note: It should be assumed these patches are not effective mitigations.  

S/MIME And Poor OpenPGP Email Client Behavior Leak Plaintext

Today disclosure of two plaintext leaking behaviors in email clients handling OpenPGP and S/MIME encrypted messages has been released (archived). The vulnerability affecting S/MIME is baked into the S/MIME standard and may only be mitigated by abandoning S/MIME, no other mitigation is possible. Meanwhile the plaintext leaking behavior affecting OpenPGP encrypted emails requires certain common but very stupid behavior on the part of an email client and the user allowing the email client to be involved in decrypting the message.

The attack in OpenPGP encrypted email involves the message being molested on the wire in such a way the plaintext metadata surrounding the cyphertext is modified to engage your typical email client's HTML rendering engine. If the email client is allowed to be involved in decrypting the cyphertext as is common with various client "plugins", the email client can "phone home" the plaintext after decryption to the message's molester according to the spurious instructions delivered to the HTML rendering engine. The mitigation for this vulnerability is hygiene and not allowing your email client to be involved in cryptographic operations beyond sending and recieving cyphertext blobs encrypted and decrypted elsewhere.

German Police Hunting 89 Year Old Civilian WWII Survivor

Ursula Haverbeck, an 89 year old survivor of the second World War, is being pursued by German Police and a group calling itself "The International Auschwitz Committee" (archived). Haverbeck, who was 16 years old in 1945, was sentenced to 2 years in prison for disputing the official Holocaust narrative. In light of her advanced age, any prison sentence is likely to be a life sentence.

While actual violence against Jews is increasing in Germany an awful lot of efforts seems to be wasted trying to ensure a non-violent political activist dies in jail.

USG.MIL Pursues Single Provider "Cloud" Computing Contract

Substantial butthurt is coming out of the USG Department of bagholding as the US Department of Defense looks to award a 10 year single provider "cloud" computing contract (archived). The feedbeasts marketing commercial "cloud" computes are already crying foul that only one of them will get chosen for the priviledge of serving the most gullible customer in history.

Rising African Political Star Criticises "Poor" Australia: "No Black People To Exploit"

Rising South African political star Julius Malema has criticised Australian Home Minister Peter Dutton for offering white South African farmers a place of refuge from racism in their home country. Malema insisted Australia lacks the necessary amount of exploitable black people necessary for white farmers to avoid poverty. Malema offered the following concerns with respect to the plight of his white agragrian countrymen:

If they want to go, they must go. They must leave the keys to their tractors because we want to work the land, they must leave the keys to their houses because we want to stay in those houses.

Don’t make noise, because you will irritate us. Go to Australia. It is only racists who went to Australia when Mandela got out of prison. It is only racists who went to Australia when 1994 came. It is the racists again who are going back to Australia.

They are rich here because they are exploiting black people. There is no black person to be exploited in Australia, they are going to be poor.

They will come back here with their tail between their legs. We will hire them because we will be the owners of their farms when they come back to South Africa. As to what we are going to do with the land, it’s our business, it’s none of your business.

We want Africa back. Africa belongs to our people. (archived)

 

Malema is the major opposition figure to South African president Cyril Ramaphosa who last month pushed through measures to allow white African land to be taken without compensation.

 

USG Whispers Pleas Of "War On Terror" And "Special Operations Command" In MikroTik Router Shitware Case

In the absence of firm admissions of guilt, known USG influence outlets including Conde Nast publications are pleaing that the malware pushed into phuctorable MikroTik routers was part of a US Special Operations Command anti-Terrorism effort (archived, archived). Presumably this is part of the terrorist Pantsuit USG campaign to creating dialogue points for shifting the overton window on shitware.

Ledger "Hardware Wallet" Backdoored By Child Who Releases Proof Of Concept Attack

Saleem Rashid has published a vulnerability report on the "Ledger Nano S" hardware wallet (archived). The nature of the vulnerability thorougly counters marketing and damage control PR offered by the firm and it's CEO Eric Larchevêque. This incident once again demonstrates that magic totems are no substitute for hygiene.

Saif Ghaddafi Attempting Libyan Presidential Campaign 7 Years After Pantsuit Murdered His Father And Plunged Libya Into Chaos

Seven years after Pantsuit Hillary Rodham Clinton threw Libya into chaos and caused the murder of Libyan leader Colonel Muammar Gaddafi, son Saif Al-Islam Gaddafi is attempting a presidential campaign to bring stability back to Libya. The 45 year old scion of the late Libyan leader is rumoured to be in exile successfully evading all manner of "summons" and "indictments" including an in absentia death sentence ordered by a local pantsuit puppet court (archived). Until June 2017 Saif Gaddafi had been continusly in the custody of the local militia which captured him in 2011. Said militia refused to carry out the July 2015 in absentia death sentence and released Gaddafi for reasons uncertain at present.

CoinBase Fiat Side Glitch Opens Butts For Hurts

An unnamed bug in Coinbase's purchasing system is responsible for multiple cases of SFYL this week, with angry redditards reporting having their bank accounts drained of filthy fiat after making a single purchase on the platform. As always, Coinbase was quick to lay the blame elsewhere, stating “We have confirmed that this is an issue occurring downstream from Coinbase, and we’re working with those parties to reach a resolution.”

The glitch went unnoticed from Jan.22 until Feb.11 and "customer service" reps from Coinbase say everyone should rest assured that they will be refunded in full. The company recently made changes to how it handles credit card purchases, listing them as "cash advances" at the point-of-sale, resulting in all the customer's cash being advanced directly to Coinbase's coffers. The front page of r/Coinbase on reddit stands as a testament to the escalating number of rubes who probably now wish they were using actual bitcoin.