Venezuela's Maduro Survives Drone Attack

Venezuela's President Nicolas Maduro was allegedly attacked by explosive drones as he was giving a speech to celebrate the 81st anniversary of the "Bolivarian National Guard" (archived). Maduro celebrated his survival by delivering a speech condemning new NATO affiliate Colombia and the far right for the apparent attempt on his life.

Mikrotik Routers Leveraged For Brasilero Botnet Mining Recruitment

A number of Mikrotik routers of the sort previously hijacked by the USG for terrorism in Brazil have been pressed into service recruiting botnet miners (archived). Mikrotik routers deployed in carrier and end user application are injecting "Coinhive Javascript Monero Mining (TM)(R)" into http traffic passing through their routes. So far most of the affected routers and traffic have been centered in Brazil with some spread into other geographic regions.

Numerous Reports Speculating Ecuador In Negotiations For Imminent Assange Extradition

Numerous reports are suggesting that Eduadorian President Lenín Moreno has entered into negotiations to extradite Julian Assange from the safety of his current residence into the hostile Anglophone territory outside of his embassy suite (archived). Moreno has repeatedly been referring to Assange as "una piedra en el zapato" and had Assange's communication with the outside world restricted earlier this year.

Assange's precarious situation highlights the hazards of trying to interact with fiat states, as just one election has changed the desired foreign policy of his chosen host while his Ecuadorian home is surrounded by an increasingly unstable England.

Maduro's Gang In Venezuala Seizes Cereal Plant

Maduro's criminal gang in Venezuala has seized Kellogg's cereal production factories after the carbohydrate giant decided to quit Maduro's ongoing transformation of the petrostate into a Marxist Theocracy (archived). Maduro declared Kellogg's exit "unconsitutional" and proceeded to turn the means of production Kellogg left behind over to "the workers" according to what are surely Maduro's sincerely held religious beliefs.

Venezuala will be holding presidential elections on Sunday.

"Great Again" Candidate Leading Wide Presidential Field In Early Stage Of Campaign In Brazil

In Brazil the race for the Presidency has an early frontrunner in Jair Bolsonaro, who is running a Durterte/Trump/Putin style "Make Great" campaign (archived). Within a wide field of candidates largely from "more of the same" Pantsuitist parties, Bolsonaro is drawing support from 17-21 percent of likely voters in polls which at this stage is enough to cement him as the frontrunner. Bolsonaro is promising "open season on crime", which taps into deep Brasilero frustrations with constantly being mugged in Brazil's hyper urbanized megacities.

Chilean State Bank And Chilean Branch Of Itau Suffer Pre-Trial Loss Against Local Bitcoin Exchange Over Account Closures

Banco del Estado de Chile and the Chileño branch of Brasilero Banking titan Itaú have been ordered to reopen accounts for local Bitcoin exchange Buda.com after the later sued over losing access to traditional fiat side financial services following account closures. The Chileño "Free Market Court" ruled that closing the accounts was premature and Buda.com's accounts with the banks must remain open until the lawsuit concludes.

Handicapped by Pacific coastline, earthquakes, and mountains which make building adequate Internet connectivity a challenge, Chile has resorted to other strategies in an attempt to remain economically relevant in our future.

Venezuela's Education Minister: Eat Less If You Want To See Food In Supermarkets

Venezuela's education minister and former Vice President Elias Jaua blames empty grocery store shelves on his fellow Venezolanos and Venezolanas eating too much (archived). This was accompanied by his declaration that:

Thank God there is a Bolivarian Revolution and our people have a right to eat meat, chicken, milk, that they did not have ten, 14 years ago

Meanwhile the "right to eat" won by the Bolivarian Revolution has resulted in a net drop in Venezuela's per capita human mass of 11 kilograms. This resembles the manner in which Obamacare substantially reduced access to healthcare in the United States.

Ecuador Cuts Communications From Assange As Brits Go On Tilt

The Embassy of Ecuador in London has cut off communications between Julian Assange and the outside world following pressure from NATO member states. Recently the sublethal poisoning of a British Spy in London with a common nerve agent has been used as a pretext for the United Kingdom to pressure its allies into isolating Russia and other percieved enemies. The full text of Ecuador's announcement is below:

COMUNICADO OFICIAL

28 de marzo de 2018

EL GOBIERNO DE ECUADOR SUSPENDE LAS COMUNICACIONES DE JULIAN ASSANGE

El Gobierno de Ecuador suspendió de los sistemas que permiten a Julian Assange comunicarse con el exterior desde la embajada ecuatoriana en Londres, en donde el ciudadano permanece en situación de protección internacional desde hace seis años debido al riesgo que corre su vida e integridad.

La medida fue adoptada ante el incumplimiento por parte de Assange del compromiso escrito que asumió con el Gobierno a finales de 2017, por el que se obligaba a no emitir mensajes que supusieran una injerencia en relación a otros Estados.

El Gobierno de Ecuador advierte de que el comportamiento de Assange, con sus mensajes a través de las redes sociales, pone en riesgo las buenas relaciones que el país mantiene con Reino Unido, con el resto de los Estados de la Unión Europea y otras naciones. Por todo ello, para prevenir potenciales perjuicios, la embajada en Londres interrumpió este 27 de marzo las comunicaciones al exterior a las que tiene acceso Assange.

El Ejecutivo mantiene además abiena la vía a la adopción de nuevas medidas ante el incumplimiento del compromiso por parte de Assange.