Buttfunder Founder Montroll Arrested

The U.S. Department of [in]Justice has arrested the founder of BitFunder, Jon Montroll (WOT:nonperson) – better known as Ukyo – in response to an investigation by The FBI and the Securities and Exchange Commission. BitFunder was an early Bitcoin "securities exchange" that saw around 6000 BTC liberated from it's coffers due to a bug that allowed attackers to credit themselves funds among other lulz. The announcement on the Department of [in]Justice website alleges that Montroll lied to SEC investigators in 2013 when questioned in regards to company finances after the hack, while depositing some of his own coins to BitFund in an effort to conceal the SFYL. Mr. Montroll has been charged with two counts of perjury and a single count of obstruction of justice.

"Bittorrent Inc" Milks Window To Let Code Execution Bug Live

Bram Cohen's (WOT: nonperson) venture "Bittorrent Inc." has let the full 90 day window for a remote execution vulnerability revealed through Google's irresponsible disclosure program nearly expire before issuing a supposed fix to their uTorrent software. To ensure a timely upgrade panic the details and a demonstration of the vulnerability are already available (archived).

Having Dumped Dratel Ulbricht Continues Facing Grim Trial Aftermath

Earlier this month the three year window for Ross Ulbricht to seek a new trial through a Rule 33 motion passed. Katherine Forrest denied a motion from Ulbricht's new attorney Paul Grant to grant an extension in light of Ulbricht's previous counsel Joshual Dratel having perfomed the greatest failure in modern legal history.

Meanwhile a seperate set of attorneys retained by Ulbricht's family is seperately working to try to unravel the Dratel inflicted mess in the empire's appelate courts (archived).

India's City Union Bank Claims 2 Million USD Loss Through SWIFT

City Union Bank in India is claiming to have lost 2 million USD1 of fiat currency through the SWIFT network following what they are referring to as an attack (archived). The bank is negotiating with various other fiat actors to recover a portion of the funds, while the destination of other funds transfered out of the bank is lost in the soup of legacy fiat systems.


  1. Universal Standard Dosidoes  

Former FBI Director Prepares Constitutional Crisis In United States With Indictments

Former FBI Director Robert Mueller acting as a "Special Counsel" has indicted 13 Russian nationals and one organization for engaging in political speech. The indictments are based on laws which nominally prohibit foreign nationals from engaging in US Federal Elections. Challenges to the laws which would arise from a serious legal defense citing the Consitution's protection of free speech and a free press would likely either result in their gutting to the point of uselessness or the disenfranchisement of many pantsuit supporters that happen to be undocumented foreign nationals physically present in the United States.

The indeterminism inherent in the US Courts Circus makes predicting which outcome arises, provided the case is litigated at all, a challenge, but either way the squeeze is in.

CoinBase Fiat Side Glitch Opens Butts For Hurts

An unnamed bug in Coinbase's purchasing system is responsible for multiple cases of SFYL this week, with angry redditards reporting having their bank accounts drained of filthy fiat after making a single purchase on the platform. As always, Coinbase was quick to lay the blame elsewhere, stating “We have confirmed that this is an issue occurring downstream from Coinbase, and we’re working with those parties to reach a resolution.”

The glitch went unnoticed from Jan.22 until Feb.11 and "customer service" reps from Coinbase say everyone should rest assured that they will be refunded in full. The company recently made changes to how it handles credit card purchases, listing them as "cash advances" at the point-of-sale, resulting in all the customer's cash being advanced directly to Coinbase's coffers. The front page of r/Coinbase on reddit stands as a testament to the escalating number of rubes who probably now wish they were using actual bitcoin.

Acute Pantsuit Inconsistency Shows Internal Disregard For Their Illusion of "Franchise"

On February 12, 2018:

The United States warned the Democratic Republic of Congo on Monday against using an electronic voting system for a long-delayed presidential election in December this year because it has the potential to undermine the credibility of the poll. U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley told an informal U.N. Security Council meeting on the Congolese electoral process that deploying "an unfamiliar technology for the first time during a crucial election is an enormous risk."

Two days later:

Congressional Democrats introduced legislation on Wednesday that would provide more than $1 billion to boost cyber security of U.S. voting systems, and Vice President Mike Pence defended the administration’s efforts to protect polls from hackers…. "We cannot let the Russians laugh about and take joy in the success they had in the last election," Nancy Pelosi, the Democratic leader in the House of Representatives, told a news conference. "Their goal is to undermine democracy."

The hidden gem, of course being:

The Democrats’ Election Security Act would allocate $1 billion in grants, overseen by the U.S. Election Commission, this year to help states buy voting machines that incorporate backup paper ballots, hire security staff and conduct risk assessments.

That is to say: a lightly-cloaked mandate for the installation of Diebold-style "user friendly" mechanisms for untraceable ballot-stuffing in place of the traditional paper-punch machines which were reintroduced in a number of U.S. states following the 2004 "hanging chads" e-voting election. And, naturally, a quite-undisguised mandate for the institution of a centralized bureaucracy which will centrally supply properly kosher voting machines, centrally networked, which are to produce properly kosher, per the DNC's lights, electoral outcomes.

It would seem that USG now pushes one voodoo in one of its Congoes, and a polar-opposite hoodoo in the other, without – unsurprisingly – much in the way of an explanation.

Unilever Prepares To Stop Feeding Facebook And Google

Consumer goods giant Unilever is preparing to cease continuing to spend bleeding marketing dollars on advertisements through Facebook, Google, and other online platforms. Unilever Chief Marketing Officer Keith Weed is offering:

"As one of the largest advertisers in the world, we cannot have an environment where our consumers don’t trust what they see online."

"And we cannot continue to prop up a digital supply chain – one that delivers over a quarter of our advertising to our consumers – which at times is little better than a swamp in terms of its transparency"

Mainstream propagandists are interpreting this as a call for "social responsibility" on Unilever's part, but the point appears to be that Unilever can't count on Facebook and Google to deliver a return on their portion of the marketing budget.

ICO Scams Continue: Dying Kodak's Appears To Stall Before Starting

Eastman Kodak Company has announced that numerous "fake webpages and facebook accounts" are offering fraudulent KodakCoins for sale, despite the company not having the actual scam token available to the general public yet. Kodak executives awarded themselves company shares in the day before the announcement that they would license the brand to a "blockchain project company" which caused share prices to nearly double. Kerrisdale capital, a hedge fund, said in analysis of the project that "the team behind KODAKCOIN has zero credibility" and the chairman and founder behind the ICO is "a stock promoter that was previously banned from a Canadian stock exchange." Eastman Kodak Co. filed for bankruptcy around 6 years ago, with debts of more than $6.75 billion USD and has failed to make a comeback despite Citibank infusing it with $950 million in cash to prop-up operations.