Russian Air Defense Hardware Getting Pretty Good At Intercepting US Missiles

Overnight the US, Airstrip One, and France launched missile strikes against Syria which were condemned by both the Russians and Chinese. Out of 103 missiles launched, 71 were reportedly intercepted leaving 32 to strike targets. This move comes 373 days after Trump last directed US cruise missiles towards a Syrian airbase's pussy. Syria and Russia are reporting that this attack was "absorbed" with personel having been withdrawn from the target sites days in advance while the US insists no warning of the attack was offered.

US Destroyer And Russian Warplanes Engage In Intimate Activities In Syrian Waters

The latest reports on the situation in Syria indicate the Arleigh Burke class destroyer USS Donald Cook1 is in Syrian waters where it is being intimately buzzed by Russian warplanes. With diplomatic channels between the US and Russia dramatically reduced following British aggitation, Pantsuit just might get their war if this dance continues. Make Green, Great Again!


  1. Launched May 1997 

Duterte Receives Support From Russia And China As USG.STATE Spurns Another Longtime Ally

Pinoy President Rodrigo Duterte has praised Russia and China for providing arms for his forces to use in their struggle against Islamist rebels in the south of the Phillipines (archived). The Phillipines has until recently aligned itself strongly with the US, but relations have soured as the Great Again free USG State Department has worked to thwart Duterte's efforts to try making the Pinoys great. Duterte further aired his concerns that the USG.CIA with its own anti-Great faction may move to assassinate him.

British Government Lab Admits No Evidence For Scandal Used To Blow Up Diplomatic Relations And Court European Sympathy

Today Airstrip One's Porton Down defense laboratory admits it has no evidence to support loud Pantsuit allegations that the nerve agent used to poison a British double-agent came from Russia (archived). This news comes despite the government of the not so United Kingdom using the incident to blow up relations with Russia while fishing for solidarity with the continental Europeans whose Union the Brits will be leaving.

Despite the usual pantsuit media organs insisting Russia must have done it, the ready baked pantsuit public relations campaign accompanying the incident lacks an innocent look on its surface.

Ecuador Cuts Communications From Assange As Brits Go On Tilt

The Embassy of Ecuador in London has cut off communications between Julian Assange and the outside world following pressure from NATO member states. Recently the sublethal poisoning of a British Spy in London with a common nerve agent has been used as a pretext for the United Kingdom to pressure its allies into isolating Russia and other percieved enemies. The full text of Ecuador's announcement is below:

COMUNICADO OFICIAL

28 de marzo de 2018

EL GOBIERNO DE ECUADOR SUSPENDE LAS COMUNICACIONES DE JULIAN ASSANGE

El Gobierno de Ecuador suspendió de los sistemas que permiten a Julian Assange comunicarse con el exterior desde la embajada ecuatoriana en Londres, en donde el ciudadano permanece en situación de protección internacional desde hace seis años debido al riesgo que corre su vida e integridad.

La medida fue adoptada ante el incumplimiento por parte de Assange del compromiso escrito que asumió con el Gobierno a finales de 2017, por el que se obligaba a no emitir mensajes que supusieran una injerencia en relación a otros Estados.

El Gobierno de Ecuador advierte de que el comportamiento de Assange, con sus mensajes a través de las redes sociales, pone en riesgo las buenas relaciones que el país mantiene con Reino Unido, con el resto de los Estados de la Unión Europea y otras naciones. Por todo ello, para prevenir potenciales perjuicios, la embajada en Londres interrumpió este 27 de marzo las comunicaciones al exterior a las que tiene acceso Assange.

El Ejecutivo mantiene además abiena la vía a la adopción de nuevas medidas ante el incumplimiento del compromiso por parte de Assange.

Russia Erupts In Nazi Rifle Monument Scandal

A scandal has emerged in Russia after visitors to a new monument to Mikhail Kalashnikov noticed the monument featured a plaque engraved with the blueprints for a Nazi rifle (archived). The engraved schematics featured the German Sturmgewehr 44 which predates any alternative assault rifle designed by Mikhail Kalashnikov which could have been featured on the Russian military monument. The director of the Russian Mulitary Historical Society (RVIO) offered:

following the sculptor’s blunder everybody can see the StG and Kalashnikov are two different weapons.

Trump Makes Small Cut To Military Healthcare Spending And Makes Jeff Sessions Great Again

Today United States President Donald Trump captured headlines by making a rare medical condition a disqualifier for military service in the United States, as many other medical conditions already are. This relieves the Department of Defense from having to assume the substantial surgical and psychiatric care costs the US medical establishment has come to accept as standard for this condition. Various lamestream news outlets have offered different four and five figure numbers of currently serving military personnel standing to be affected by this policy change.

In other events, Trump has managed to make Attorney General Jeff Sessions great again. Following more minutia supposedly exposed in the Russian collusion witch hunt, Trump appears to have ceased conferring with his Attorney General in private and begun communicating suggestions to his top law enforcement official exclusively through the media. In less than one week Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III has gone from the fake news industrial complex's whipping boy, a caricature of the "evil" Southern gentleman, to enjoying fawning fake news coverage as a beleaguered and sympathetic Southern gentleman.

Only muted coverage in the fake news media has been given to the fact that since this change in communications channels, Attorney General Sessions appears to have been faithfully pursuing every instruction delivered to him by President Trump. Where the fake news media is reading animosity between the two, reality seems to be showing a very strong, public1 working relationship. As a bonus, the new structure of this relationship is bound to complicate the ongoing "Russian collusion" fanfic being authored by Jeff Bezos' Amazon Washington Post.


  1. When has any other US President been as transparent in communicating with his Attorney General?  

Fake News Washington Post Changes Tune On Russian Collusion

Today the Washington Post company through it's online magazine "Slate" made an assertion that represents a tremendous change in the Fake News empire's editorial policy:

It’s a move that, for the moment at least, seems like a rather misguided overcorrection. So far, no one has released any compelling evidence that Kaspersky is working with the Russian government to undermine the security of its millions of customers.

By Josephine Wolff on Slate's "Future Tense" blog July 11 2017 6:03 PM (archived)

It remains to be seen how this apparent 180 degree course correction will affect their coverage of the Trump administration, especially on the point of raising their required standard of evidence on Russian collusion to "having evidence". As recently as earlier today, the Fake News empire turned idiot son Donald Junior's gullibility with respect to a phishing scheme.1

It remains to be seen if this demand that evidence of Russian involvement with respect to Kaspersky Labs is an isolated incident, or if in their exhaustion the Washington Post company has joined other Fake News players in ceasing to care about intra-day narrative consistency.


  1. Idiot son shut out of his father's campaign but wanted to make Dad proud. Idiot son tried to make deal that he would have been explicitly forbidden to if there were actual organized collusion to protect. The moral of the story is don't name any of your children "Junior" until they grow up and provide more information on whether they are a loser or not. Otherwise you get stuck insisting you favoritely named, but most disappointing progeny is still a "quality person."  

"Биткоин — это единственная в мире блокчейн" says Russian State Bank

Speaking with newspaper Kommersant, Nikita Smirnov, Vice President of Information Technology at Vnesheconombank, told reporters

Биткоин — это единственная в мире блокчейн

and

Его можно сравнить с бактерией, которая уже существует отдельно от человека и вошла с человеком в симбиоз

which roughly translates, respectively, to "Bitcoin is the world's only blockchain" and "Compare [Bitcoin] to a bacteria, which exists separately from humans, but is in a symbiotic relationship with humans". These fiat confirmations come, respectively, two-and-a-half years and over four years after these blindingly factual statements were first announced publicly to the world.

And you thought ten minute blocks were slow. Sorry for your lag.

Hussein Bahamas Continues Picking Fights As Term Dwindles

Lame duck United States President Hussein Bahamas has continued his new hobby of abruptly changing US policy as his term approaches its constitutional end. In addition to the mundane changes like telling Bibi off, opening the dollar printing press to agriculture, and converting a million acres in the American west into a "National Monument" on a whim Hussein Bahamas escalated his saber rattling with Russian President Putin.

Hussein Bahamas is expelling 35 registered diplomats from the Russian Federation, giving them 72 hours to leave US soil while also denying access to and ordering the closure of Russian diplomatic compounds in New York and Maryland. This move is accompanied by other assorted sanctions. Pence in our time.