Airstrip One Begins Judicial Bitcoin And "Crypto" Auctions

The asset recovery section of Airstrip One's "Eastern Region Special Operations Unit" claims to have recently auctioned a mixture of Bitcoin and lesser altcoins through a shop calling itself "Wilsons Auctions" (archived). They reported collecting 240,000 units of a currency they call the "Pound Sterling" despite the history of the land, once called England, largely consisting of exercises in debasing the "Pound Sterling" from the literal pound weight of silver the name implies. At present, the "Pound Sterling" has a value approximating the original silver penny in purchasing power.

USG Week In Review: Trump, Ukraine, Biden, Phone, Impeachment, Trap

This past week has seen a small yet very noisy burst of instability inside the USG. Rumours of a "credible" CIA whistleblower report concerning a possible "quid pro quo" during a telephone conversation between democratically elected US President Donald Trump and Ukraine's new leader being supressed. This lead to acting lead Pantsuit Nancy surrendering to demands from more radical sectors of her party to open an impeachment investigation.

After this capitulation a transcript of the phone call was released followed shortly by the whistlblower's report where the CIA agent in question revealed his concerns were all raised by second and third hand recollections. In the time leading up to these released demands to expedite the impeachment proceedings reached a fever pitch before digestion of the actual content of the transcript and complaint revealed this line of prosectuion against Trump is even weaker than the entirely fictional cases Pantsuitists had been spinning since November 2016.

As result the deep concerns expressed by Trump to his Ukranian counterpart concerning former Pantsuitist Vice President Joe Biden's son's business in Ukraine1 has entered the record. Because Nancy surrendered to allow the impeachment investigation to begin over this matter, Nancy has exposed the remains of the crippled DNC to investigations into their actions while Trump remains merely exposed to debate over the meanings of particular utterances.


  1. As is typical of US attempts to leverage office, the sums involved are far smaller for the involved persons on the national stage in the US compared to local politicians in China for reasons of US poverty.  

Former Danzhou Mayor Relieved Of 13.5 Tons Of Gold and 268 Billion Yuan After Anti-Corruption Investigation

Ongoing anti-corruption investigations in China have apparently lead to the arrest of former Danzou mayor and former Communist Party secretary Zhang Qi (archived, archived). Investigators reportedly found 13.5 tons of gold and a cash stash summing to 268 billion yuan in a concealed basement at the communist's home. At presently advertised exchange rates, these holdings put the recently seized fortune above 38 billion USD and would place Zhang Qi at 19th place on the Forbes rich list above Alibaba's Jack Ma and Tencent's Ma Huateng.

Church of England Takes BOLD Stand Against Pointed Kitchen Knives

Church elders in the Diocese of Rochester are calling for the elimination of pointed kitchen knives after having made the religious determination that points on knives are obsolete (archived). Never mind the incredible utility of the knife point in kitchens that handle actual food, the religious imperative to preserve all life demands the kitchen workflow be interupted by specialist knick-knacks out of the potential that any particular knife point may end the life of something other than a garlic clove.

Nevermind that nearly every use of the paring knife or fillet knife begins with the point. Nevermind the ridiculous prospect of scoring with the belly of the blade. The state Church of England demands doctrinal sovereignty in your kitchen, and their doctrine says the potential evil of the knife point trumps the active utility of the knife point.

KKKalifornia Pantsuitist Ed Buck Arrested After Victim Escapes Lair

US Democratic party donor and California regional supernode Ed Buck was arrested late last week (archived). Previously Qntra has covered the suspicious number of Black Lives that ended in Buck's home. Apparently Buck's most recent victim managed to escape and tell. Buck faces a Los Angeles County charge for operating a drug house and a federal charge of methamphetamine distribution leading to death.

USG And Israel Moving Towards "Mutual Defense" Treaty As Hawks Continue Pushing To Bomb Iran

Reports have begun emerging that suggest the USG and Israel are moving towards a "mutual defense" agreement, provided Bibi survives today's elections (archived). This movement comes as hawks inside the USG, Israel, and Saudi Arabia are escalating their anti-Iran talk in the wake of a Yemeni rebel attack using 80's vintage drones which crippled Saudi oil production over the weekend (archived).

One notable "mutual defense" agreement of historical interest had Britain opening the second World War after Germany intervened to stop the Polish government's genocide of ethnic Germans in Danzig (archived). With Israel already conducting airstrikes on its neighbors, it is very hard to see the move as anything other than a committment to further antagonize the Middle East.

Stallman Surrenders: Human Mushroom Quits Everything As Boot Hovers Above

After being targeted for purging in the ongoing Pantsuit Cultural Revolution, Microsoft guest speaker Richard Stallman has quit everything (archived). Stallman resigned his Visiting Scientist position at MIT as well as his position at the Free Software Foundation. Stallman made his career as the idle political officer of a new left by leveraging his one time proximity to some people doing things. Unfortunately for Stallman the left's youth always sacrifices the elders in its march to still greater derealization.

Massachusetts Mayor Busted For Extorting Bud Dealers Seeking Legality

Twenty-seven year old Fall River Mayor Jasiel Correia is accused of extorting bribes out of cannabis businesses seeking to do enter the incredibly restrictive legal retail regime implemented in Correia's turf (archived). Among the various demands issued by Correia was a bribe of half of his own chief of staff's salary in exchange for their retention of that job. Correia is one of three Democratic Party candidates facing off in a primary election September 17th while his case isn't set for trial until late February 2020.

The combination of the ease with which massive amounts of potent cannabis buds can be grown along with the restictive regulatory regimes imagined by various fiat sovereigns makes this a particularly fruitful avenue for sovereigns in their own heads to milk suckers looking to enter the regulated market.

MIT Media Lab Haunted By Epstein

MIT Media Lab director Joi Ito is out after revelations that the late Pantsuitist Jeffery Epstein was intimately involved with the lab and the extent of the relationship has been actively concealed (archived). Shortly before Epstein's death the late Marvin Minsky of MIT was one of the names loudly declared in the press as a beneficiary of Epstein's networking.