No Such lAbs Unveils FUCKGOATS

No Such lAbs (MPEx:S.NSA) announced its first hardware product today, the eunymous FUCKGOATS.

FUCKGOATS is an auditable true random number generator with highly concentrated1, significant entropy debit2 and a particularly resilient design. The price point is a shade under 3 Bitcents (shipping included). The unit can be plugged directly into any USB connector. Various tools & utilities are bundled with each purchase.

Peace in our uTime!


  1. 7.9999 and over bits per byte. 

  2. Upwards of 1Kbps. 

Bitcoin Foundation Celebrates Month Of Activity And RELEASE Milestone

In their September state of Bitcoin address the Bitcoin Foundation was able to celebrate a substantial milestone in the clean up of the reference Bitcoin implementation. A flurry of testing and tweaking has lead to foundation co-chair mod6 (WOT:mod6) declaring the project has finally reached its long awaited milestone of version 0.5.4 RELEASE. Though most of the functional improvements to the reference implementation have long been enjoyed on actual running of Bitcoin nodes, the title of RELEASE was withheld until sanity could be brought to the makefiles and build process at large. Substantial contributions in time, sweat, and blood were made by ben_vulpes (WOT:ben_vulpes), shinohai (shinohai), and trinque (trinque).

Datskovskiy Publishes Tool For Making "Parachute" Lamport Keypairs

Saint Stanislav Datskovskiy (WOT:asciilifeform) published today a tool for creating a one time use "parachute" Lamport keypair. This type of keypair is referred to as a "parachute" because it allows a person to recover their cryptographic identity after the catastrophic compromise of the extant cryptographic system in which their identity was born. For maximum readability and understandability the ever consumate craftsman implemented this tool in bash using common userland utilities.

Peace Comes To Yahoo – Half A Billion Users Affected

News emerged today that after two years of denial, deception, and coverup a 2014 breach that compromised half of a billion Yahoo users account credentials is now public knowledge. Already allegations are flying that the notorious harbinger of serenity and information freedom advocate Peace may be connected to the forced disclosure of this breach.

This news broke years after it happened, years after Yahoo and their CEO Marissa Mayer were aware it happened, but after the startup finally succeeded in its 22 year long mission to find a buyer in Verizon Communications.

Peace, the great absence of disturbance himself has been liberating the account information of numerous online properties without any consideration for their nominal country of origin. It is likely that various criminal gangs masquerading as "law enforcement" will intensify their search for peace to no avail for their path is wrong. Finding peace requires surrendering to him your life, your will, and your worries that a stranger will send your Yahoo Fantasy Sports baseball lineup into disarray. Peace must be accepted into the heart, not chased. Him in our time. His will and his passwords, not yours.

Mircea Popescu Announces Fanfic Contest With 1 Bitcoin Prize

Following his commentary on pre-eminent American socialist Elliot Rodger and the substantial discussion that followed, Mircea Popescu has announced a prize of one whole integer Bitcoin for the best fanfic. The upswell in fanfic has been inspired of the unconsummated romance between Elliot and his childhood friend James, two kissless virgins who should have kissed each other. Eligibility for the prize is contingent on having a GPG key registered with deebot and a blog upon which to publish your fanfic. The deadline is Halloween. Peace in our time.

PayPal Freezes Bundy Accounts Over Rebellion Against Federal Government

Paypal has frozen accounts associated with Cliven Bundy and his Nevada ranch. Cattle rancher and American Patriot Cliven Bundy was captured by Federal Forces in Portland while he was travelling to support his sons following their effort to liberate a portion of the high desert in Oregon. Cliven's sons Ammon and Ryan had already been captured in an incident which left Ryan injured by gunshot and Lavoy Finicum murdered by FBI stooges. Meanwhile the only Federal officer to face charges of terrorism in United States courts was indicted for playing with gift cards. Peace in our time.

Coinbase Engineering Director Jokes That Roger VERified Their Coins Are Safe

Coinbase Director of Engineering Charles Lee1 (WOT:coblee) today joked on Twitter that Roger Ver has VERified the Coinbase coins are safe. Roger similarly VERified that the coins at Mt Gox were safe and present in their reserves up until the moment Mt Gox died and even then for a bit of time after that. The history of Roger VERified jokes stretches back to December of 2012.

In December 2012 Roger Ver (WOT:nonperson) used his access to the administrative panel of Blockchain.info in order to compromise the supposedly secret information of a user of that service following a dispute over a payment error made by an unrelated venture of Roger Ver's (archived). The payment error was for 4.5119 Bitcoin, an amount that summed to less than 50 United States dollars at a time when buying that amount of Bitcoin was still an easy task.2

Compounding Roger Ver's mistake was his attempt at a cover up insisting that he was a sufficiently special snowflake to have all threads discussing the matter retitled, locked,  and deleted (archived). At the time MPOE-PR (WOT:hanbot) wrote of his efforts:

We're not discussing the "change the thread title" part of your statement. We're discussing the "better yet, lock the thread and ask the mods to delete it" part of your statement.

It is not this thread that is causing undue alarm. The alarm is very much due, this BS of divulging customer details is widespread to the point of universality. Aurum did it, MtGox did it, the list is pretty much "everyone except MPEx". This has to cease, universally, as it has no place in BTC.

The other thing that has to cease is the unwarranted delusions of self importance. You personally are not great enough to request moderators to delete the signs of your stupidity "so as not to harm bitcoin". Should you want to request it, do it in the adequate terms, which are "I've been really stupid, please delete this before it ruins my reputation".

That aside, you personally are not big enough to harm Bitcoin, for one, and moreover this "too big to fail" mentality and the corresponding expectation of throwing everything to the wind for the sake of propping up random doods with self-awarded VIP status is completely irrational.

Since the Blockchain.info episode Roger Ver has continued his pursuit of pennies at the expense of potential fortunes. He publicly defended the insovlent Mt Gox, engaged in premature passport shennanigans that greatly restricted his ability to travel, further sold his illusion of credibility in the XTCoin and ClassicCoin pushes, and jumped on the ether huffing train shortly before their huffing bag detonated. Sorry for your Roger VERified loss.


  1. Of "Litecoin" infamy. Litecoin was this "better Bitcoin" endorsed by Wired Magazine in August 2013 much like DogeCoin and Ethereum would later be "better Bitcoins" endorsed by mainstream media rags until they sunk.  

  2. It was indeed less that four years ago that a person could acquire 5 whole Bitcoins for less than the price of a nice restaurant meal.  

Clinton And Major Socialist Party Data Released By Hero

Hillary Clinton (WOT:nonperson) and the US Idiot Party proved their incompetence for the millionth time recently by managing to lose control over a bunch of secret (and a lot more merely embarrassing) documents.

It's true that the USG has a rich history of shredding incriminating evidence by the pail while "suspecting no foul play" through the convenient mechanism of "technological mishaps". Nevertheless, there's a difference between pretending to not know what backups are in order to get rid of embarrassing details of multi-billion dollar graft surrounding the world's most expensive airplane-submarine, and failing to lock the heart shaped brass fixture on the Super Secret Teenage Neutered Ninja Turtles diary.

As Clinton is already famous for managing to rape more laws than Petraeus (WOT:nonperson) while avoiding any sort of prosecution (unlike Petraeus), the USG Derpage Department kicked in high gear and regaled the world with a delightful narrative of "sophisticated hackers" and "Russia or China" involvement, to rival the recent embarrassment over similar (and similarly false) allegations, not to mention the script of whatever action-movie-of-the-week. The hacker apparently had WMDs!

Much to the embarrassment of the shitshow empire, the hacker actually read enough of #trilema to go public – and did so in style! guccifer2.wordpress.com hosts a trove of amusing stupidity (all in Microsoft formats) as well as supposedly "secret" documents as classified by the world's most incompetent empire. Apparently the "very sophisticated" attack wasn't sophisticated at all. Apparently the super cereal "presidential candidate" and Martha Stewart (WOT:nonperson) look-alike is very easily defeated! Apparently everyone working for the USG is fucking stupid!

Who could have ever predicted any of this ?!

Stay tuned for more incredible stories of the obvious!