CEO Elizabeth Holmes Of Theranos: Please Don't Sue, Have My Shares

Elizabeth Holmes, CEO of the well connected bezzle failup Theranos, is approaching her investors with a new plea. Holmes is begging investors in the firm to not sue her and offering as compensation valueless shares from her own stake in the firm. A number of Silicon Valley rags allege that some investors are taking the offer, probably because it is less expensive to be gifted as share of nothing than it is to sue for a share of nothing. Sorry for your loss.

US Sports Team Loses Bidding War To Russian Sports Team For Sportsman

For the third consecutive year Avanguard Omsk has outbid the Saint Louis Blues for the affections of Czech ice hockey player Vladimir Sobotka. Over the past two years the Blues have tried to cast Sobotka's choice to participate in the Kontinental Hockey League club Avanguard as a "development" move allowing Sobotka more playing time to hone his skills "back home"1 when the simple fact is they've been beat at the money game.

For decades the extravagant spending of the advertising industry in the United States allowed American spectator sports teams to enjoy their pick of top players from the international market, but as the United States continues to become concretely poorer in absolute terms decisions like Vladimir Sobotka's are likely to become more common among sportsmen.

  1. Omsk is in Siberia which is not Sobotka's temperate Czech homeland. Siberia is inside Russia, and Russia is far enough from the Czech Republic that the two separate countries do not share any borders.  

Dicamba Disaster Continues Destruction

As the story of the Dicamba Disaster in the United States begins finally reaching mainstream media outlets, the St Louis Post Dispatch brings us news that Dicamba Drift has threatened Missouri's largest peach orchard (archived). Two hundred and fifty acres of the orchard's peach trees are already irreparably harmed and as the damage continues to show that number could double by next spring as the injury progresses.1

Dicamba has been around since 1942. Until this year it had largely survived in its humble role as that thing you add as a tiny fraction of a percent to your tank mix as a little kicker to beat back broadleaf weeds. What it did, what it didn't do, and why it stayed that tiny fraction were established. Why it stayed the tiny fraction is that dicamba is volatile and the dicamba that doesn't get absorbed and bound will vaporize and spread.

The ascendancy of Roundup Ready in the 1990's inspired much panic. "Genetic modifications AND a super herbicide?" Glyphosate however turned out to be a kitten with the surfactants mixed with it carrying a greater hazard to fauna than the herbicide itself, flora was still fucked though.2

Monsanto opened a pandora's box with their latest offering, because when you offer desperate farmers soybeans that won't suffer any losses with two herbicides those farmers are getting as much mileage out of those two herbicides as they can. Bad behavior becomes mandatory, because fuck that other family's peach orchard which took a generation to grow. Also no one cares about the other stands of mature trees yellowing, defoliating, and in clear decline.3

It would likely have not made things much better even if Monsanto released their "less volatile" dicamba with the seeds4 so long as other people were selling classic Dicamba preparations for less. The competition between agriculture and chemistry is leaning decidedly in chemistry's favor with crops outside of the limited Monsanto supplied corns and alt-corns becoming environmentally impracticable. US agriculture at this point appears to on track to become a fiefdom of tort law in the same way US medicine is by this time next year. This is the story of your loss and imazapyr resistant crops can't come soon enough (archived).

  1. And even in the absence of further dicamba applications nearby it will continue to progress.  

  2. But only if the glyphosate solution actually made contact with foliage.  

  3. This phenomena is pointedly NOT limited to the portions of the Ozarks that US based media is suggesting it to be. 

  4. It seems likely they anticipated the destruction and didn't want their preparation taking the blame.  

Tim Draper (WOT:nonperson) Still Loves Theranos, Picked Up An Ether Habit

Tim Draper (WOT:nonperson) the Silicon Valley figure who tried to legitimize the United States Government's theft by bidding in their auctions, apparently still loves Theranos. Theranos is notable for the quality of USG stooge it managed to con into investing further after Draper supplied CEO Elizabeth Holmes's (WOT:nonperson) firm its initial capital. Draper insists "Consumers still love" a company they likely never interacted with as it never made it to more than 40 of Walgreen's 8177 stores before Walgreens abandoned Theranos. It is uncertain whether Draper's expressions of feeling on this matter are genuine or instead reflect fear arising from the realization he lost a lot of Henry Kissenger's (WOT:nonperson) money.

In addition to continuing to love a firm which took his capital and later lost Henry Kissenger's money, Draper has taken to huffing ether. This revelation is notable for making public that Draper is at least one conveyance used by the criminal gang in Washinton, DC to refresh Buterin's waterfall. Sorry for your loss, and sorry Tim for calling your loss a loss.

Walgreens Finally Cuts Ties With Theranos

Walgreens finally announced that they are cutting ties with the well connected and wildly inaccurate blood testing startup Theranos. On its way to a 9 Billion dollar valuation Theranos established blood testing clinics inside of their retail partner Walgreen's stores. A total of 40 Walgreens stores had Theranos blood testing available. Walgreens has a total of 8177 stores. Walgreens parent company Walgreens Boots Alliance has a market capitalization of ~92.4 billion United States dollars on ~103.4 billion dollars in annual revenue and ~4.2 billion dollars of net income. Sorry for your loss, but there will be blood testing.

Open Sourced Vulnerability Database Closes, Cites More People Taking Their Free Goods Than Giving Them Free Goods

Operators of the Open Source Vulnerability Database announced they are closing up shop. The OSVDB was a project that freely offered information about various software vulnerabilities to all comers. Stating their current intentions to close the operators of the OSVDB complained that too much taking of their freely given information was happening. Apparently when they were collecting and giving away information freely to anyone they actually meant to do something other than actually give it away for free.

MPEx Goes Private

Hash: SHA512

Your dividend payment for S.MPOE in total sum of 25000000000000 to a notional float of 500000000 has been issued on April 5, 2016, 5:02 pm. Feel free to publish this receipt to your shareholders.
Version: GnuPG v1


Today Mircea Popescu published MPEx's last statement as a public company and bought back publicly traded shares for the sum of 50,000 satoshis each. In the statement Mircea Popescu made it clear MPEx will continue to operate, list worthy companies, and generally remain committed to Bitcoin's success. Addressing fears that a regulatory intervention may have spurred the transition Popescu offered:

To assuage any possible concern : neither MPEx nor myself personally are currently embroiled in any sort of legal dispute with any sort of soi-dissant "regulator" in any jurisdiction. The notion that some fiat pretend-sovereign or other has anything to do with this measure is significantly less sensible than the notion that 17 Bitcoin and change is what caused the closure of Bitbet, as ridiculous as that notion may be. I have yet to meet the fiat government that's worth 17 Bitcoin and change.

The full statement is available on Trilema.

BitBet Reciever Opens Bidding For BitBet Assets

BitBet Reciever David Francois has issued his first statement of progress in evaluating BitBet's assets and liabilities. As part of determining the value of BitBet's non-cash assets Monsieur Francois has opened bidding in the comment section of his progress report. The current high bid for the domain, software and other non-cash assets of a venture that routinely took and settled betting pools in the range of hundreds and thousands of Bitcoin is 9 Bitcoin.

Fiat Feeling Pain Below The Corn Belt

A movement is building in the Middle West to compel the United States Government to raise the amount of debt that qualifies for restructuring under Chapter 12 "family farm" bankruptcy terms (archived). This push comes amid widespread fear from agricultural lenders concerned that the present limits would push many of the year's anticipated farm bankruptcies into either Chapter 7 liquidation or a far more expensive Chapter 11 reorganization, alternatives which would make their receiving eventual repayment far less likely. Depressed prices for corn and other staple agricultural products in the United States along with declining export sales are leading to grim prospects for 2016 on the farm. Sorry for your loss.