Death Cult Propagates Among Some Chinese Miners

As mentioned in Shinohai's latest shitcoin Roundup, a few single language Chinese miners have taken to expressing an unjustified degree of loyalty to yet another doomed anti-Bitcoin forking effort. In the same week the fork effort's defective client unintentionally fell out of consensus due to its inherent slop, Andrew Quentson (WOT:nonperson) published a purported "cosmetically corrected" interview with Jiang Zhuoer (WOT:nonperson) where among other things Zhuoer confesses to "SPV mining" while asserting to have 100 million dollars1 committed to destroying any actual Bitcoin network which remains after splitting his favored altcoin from Bitcoin.

If Zhuoer's intent actually corresponds to what the words printed in English mean,2 it represents a paltry counter to the deterrent presented by Mircea Popescu and other lords of the Most Serene Republic, which has thus far damped off earlier social engineering attempts to fork Bitcoin into something else before they could root.

Continued imprudence among mining pool operators suggests that a solution to the mining bug3 in order to disabuse certain activist factions of their imagined participation in Bitcoin. Importantly, recent efforts by the People's Bank of China to bring sanity to their local fiat/Bitcoin interfaces does not preclude future statal attempts to attack Bitcoin via the mining vector from the People's Republic of China.  Sorry for your loss.

  1. A mere 10,000 Bitcoins today, less tomorrow 

  2. Such is the least of the curses handicapping the monophone single language speaker.  

  3. Some solutions have been proposed to constrain the impact of the bug  

FUCKGOATS Schematics Released As Devices Ship

The Festivus gifts continue to flow from Saint Stanislav's labs, with release of code sufficient for users to audit and create their own FUCKGOATS.

" … it is everything you theoretically need to make YOUR OWN FUCKGOATS" (log)

The vpatches are avaible at the following locations:

More information on FUCKGOATS can be found at the No Such lAbs website:

No Such lAbs Unveils FUCKGOATS

No Such lAbs (MPEx:S.NSA) announced its first hardware product today, the eunymous FUCKGOATS.

FUCKGOATS is an auditable true random number generator with highly concentrated1, significant entropy debit2 and a particularly resilient design. The price point is a shade under 3 Bitcents (shipping included). The unit can be plugged directly into any USB connector. Various tools & utilities are bundled with each purchase.

Peace in our uTime!

  1. 7.9999 and over bits per byte. 

  2. Upwards of 1Kbps. 

Island Occupied By US Forces Experiences Major Blackout

Puerto Rico, an unincorporated Caribbean island occupied by United States forces and administered by a puppet Pro-United States government, is experiencing a power outage affecting nearly the entire population of 3.4 million after a power plant fire triggered the near complete failure of the electricity distribution grid on the island. Sorry for your loss.

Bankrupt Hanjin Desperately Fighting To Prevent Seizure Of Ships

Shipping giant Hanjin filed for receivership in South Korea and filed for bankruptcy in the United States last week after its finances collapsed. This week news is emerging that Hanjin is trying to file for bankruptcy protection in 40 different jurisdictions as they desperately work to prevent any more of their ships from being seized in port. Hanjin operated the world's seventh largest container line at a loss in four of the last five years. The number of Hanjin ships which have been denied access to ports stands at 79. Hanjin claims a fleet of 141 ships, of which 128 are operating. Spot shipping prices on routes conveying cargo from Asia to North America have been holding ~40% higher than they were immediately before Hanjin's initial bankruptcy filing. The firm's current crisis follows the recent refusal of creditors to lend Hanjin any more capital to finance its operating expenses. Sorry for your loss.

Remains Of Hewlett Packard Go All In On Remains Of Syfy Franchise

In a press release today Hewlett Packard Enterprise, a venture cast off from printer ink scam and former technology powerhouse Hewlett Packard1 in 2015, announced it had bought the plotline to "Star Trek Beyond" from producers of the film as a marketing vehicle for an upcoming product launch. Created by Gene Roddenberry (WOT:nonperson) the Star Trek Syfy franchise helped to kickstart Hollywood's shift to an annuitized business model2 which allows for a predictable return on investment by telling audiences "STFU, these stories are connected." The product driving the plot of the film is yet another Unix machine produced by Hewlett Packard Enterprise (TM)(R) running with an odd build of Linux3 instead of HP-UX and a novel form of memory together united in the way the marketing department imagines it will work after 250 years of bug fixes.

  1. The piece of the historical Hewlett Packard's corpse which most closely carries out the original's work was severed in 1999 and now goes by the name Agilient Technologies.  

  2. At present the outwardly healthiest of these motion picture annuities is operated by Disney utilizing their acquired comic book properties.  

  3. Correction: Hewlett Packard Enterprise (TM)(R) scrapped their oddball Linux portion of this product in favor of running a less peculiar flavor of Linux  

Failing Radioactive Waste Tanks At Hanford Site Put Pacific Coast On Edge

Various news sources are reporting that as the nuclear waste containment tanks at the Hanford Site along the Columbia River in Washington State age well beyond their 50 year service life leaks are increasing with at least one tank in a condition that could charitably be described as complete failure (archived). A United States Department of Energy Politruk described the horrific outcome as an "anticipated" side effect of efforts to empty the failed tank. The Hanford site is a part of Manhattan Project National Historical Park and administered jointly by the National Park Service and the Department of Energy. Continue reading

Raptor Engineering Laments Dire State Of x86 And CPU Industry At Large

Today Timothy Pearson of Raptor Engineering issue a dire lamentation to the Free Software Foundation Europe mailing list asking:

Are you willing to continue to use FOSS software inside the ever-shrinking x86 "software jail", or are you possibly willing to give up some cost or performance advantages in order to retain full control of the software running on your hardware?

Continue reading