"Liberal" West Today: Merkel Announces Burqa Ban

Angela Merkel, who recently announced zer intent to run for reelection as an explicitly establishment candidate, has embraced a populist political position in order to curry favor with voters. Merkel announced plans to ban the burqa in any place zhe may "legally" do so. Germans have been taking a beating lately at home, in their European Union, and technologically.

DT Customers Lose Service Due To "Cyber Attack"

Deutsche Telekom has reportedly been hit with a cyberattack that has caused hundreds of thousand of its customers to be without service since Sunday afternoon. German government and company officials say that approximately 900,000 customers, around 4.5% of it's fixed-line customer base, have been affected by the attack. The company was giving few details as to the nature of the attack, but stated on their website:

"Based on the pattern of errors, it can not be ruled out that the router has been targeted externally, with the result that it can no longer log on to the network"

Some customers believe that the tight-lipped response is due to Deutsche Telekom not knowing the full extent of the issues at hand, and many took to social media to vent as the company's hotline and online customer center were rendered unreachable due to the outages. The only fix suggested by the company on their website at this time was to "try turning the router off, wait 30 seconds, then turn it back on again".

And In Other Unhappenings Today

You may recall the recent instance where Phuctor schweizered SecLab@TUBerlin1, an event that was then discreetely unhappened under the pretense that supposedly something marked as "Signing key" was merely an (unmarked) exercise, intended as a target for kids to practice their factoring skills. Anyone except Putin2 finds this explanation supremely convincing, especially because it is very common for training exercises to spuriously come in the exact form and markings of live munitions, but with convenient indication of which items to pick as part of the exercise (the factorable ones being conveniently placed last in an enumeration labelled "2006", "2007", "2008", "2009", "2010", "2011", "2012", "2013", "2014", "2015" and "2016"). Only terrorists would use the opposite approach, where effort is directed instead towards marking training exercises for distinction from the real McCoy and towards not telegraphing the correct choice.

Less than two weeks later which is to say about an hour ago, lost among a continuing shower of cheap VPS hosters, home routers etcetera…

deedbot phuctor.nosuchlabs.com/gpgkey/A2BC32C93E2CCD68BD6B50936177E24EFB482DB894713D1D9193F41CEA2AB7B1 << Recent Phuctorings – Phuctored: 1307…6977 divides RSA Moduli belonging to ' (ssh-rsa key from (services.euclides.nl. NL)).

You may perhaps be excused if you don't know who Euclides Automatisering B.V. of 16 Bredestraat 3632 AZ Loenen aan de Vecht is. They do.

Phuctor schweizered SecLab@TUBerlin

  1. BND's amateur drafting club. 

  2. Who a) doesn't understand how the world works and b) may have manipulated the US elections. These claims are neither contradictory nor do they disqualify the emitter from a Nobel prize. On the contrary. 

Today In Accidental Insecurity

Hash: SHA1

Phuctor reported popping keys 6EF3D2C0BA64734A3C0425B21EB0CAA26FE81A7C and EFD9448A5FE501B107C32AD15AB4C1237924BE94 at 20:32:51 GMT yesterday. 

The shared factor is


which appears to be a prime number.

The exponent and other metadata associated with the keys seem intact. Apparently the modules in question belong to the 2016 and 2015 signing keys of an entity identifying itself as "seclab@airgapped.sec.t-labs.tu-berlin.de", which in the biosphere maps to TU Berlin (Technische Universitat Berlin)'s "Institut Fur Softwaretechnick und Theoretische Informatik"'s IT Security Lab, an entity with long running connections to the BND (Germany's version of the NSA) as well as a substantial trail of published CompSec papers. 

The keys had been submitted that same day at 13:50:45.642313 via the self-serve web interface, and were factored immediately thereafter because of the shared factor.

Peace in our time.
Version: GnuPG v1.4.10 (GNU/Linux)


PS the pubkey is here for your amusement : 

Version: GnuPG v1.4.10 (GNU/Linux)


Merkel Regime To Broaden Issuance Of Driving Bans In Germany

Reports are emerging that the Angela Merkel regime in Germany is prepared to push through new legislation that would make drivers license revocation a common sanction for non-driving related "crimes" against the Zher majesty the EuroFührer Angela Merkel. While much of the public justification for the new measures involve detering youth crime (archived), suggested offenses include failing to pay child support as an absentee parent. Naturally the measure would be used to punish dissidents as "hate speech" would be similarly subject to driving license revocation. The new motoring sanctions would be levelled in combination with the EuroFührer's most popular sanction, the suspended prison sentence. This adds to the threat of arbitrary imprisonment for violating the sentence's suspension1 further punishment in the form of travel restrictions. Sorry for your laws, but papers please.

  1. Because why judicially imprison someone after trial when you can administratively imprison them later.  

Bayer Bidding For Monsanto

With Monsanto's long term prospects as an independent concern looking bleak, far better diversified German chemical giant Bayer made an unsolicited 46 Billion United States dollar bid to acquire Monsanto in an effort to diversify further. With Monsanto's value dropping as its enforceable patent portfolio shrinks Bayer would be acquiring a steady revenue stream and the means by which to continue Monsanto's business, but in a way that might leverage Bayer's own sizeable patent portfolio for synergy in those backwater markets that still recognize the fiat patent system. As Bayer already pirated the genes from a bacteria that breaks down its new herbicide "Liberty"1 that would present a far more marketable continuation of Monsanto's "Roundup Ready"(TM)(R) brand than the present, momentarily independent Monsanto's move to add Dicamba resistance.

Glufosinate has no pre-emergent action. Unlike Dicamba it is purely a post-emergent herbicide which creates the interesting question of just how many herbicide resistant traits is Bayer willing to throw into a single crop at a time, and how will they pace the market releases to keep their patent extortion funds rolling in? Sorry for your loss.

  1. Less ambiguously known as Glufosinate  

Mercedes Joins German Carmaker Emissions Train

Never content to allow trends to pass it by without a full-throttle attempt at keeping up – be it luxury SUVs, hybrid cars, or überfragmentation of market niches – German firm Daimler AG, which oversees automaker Mercedes-Benz, has just been implicated in its own nitrous oxide (NOx) emissions scandal, following the lead of compatriot Volkswagen and overseas upstart Tesla Motors. Continue reading

Greek Finance Minister Varoufakis Resigns in Failure

Greek banks continue to struggle beneath the onerous burden of financial debt imposed by their left-leaning welfarist government and as such are teetering on the brink of insolvency.1 Despite a slew of highly restrictive capital controls and out-of-the-blue "bank holidays" designed to maintain some modest levels of liquidity in the face of branch and ATM queues across the country, the condition of Greece's banks is less than ideal and quite possibly insufficient for long-term survival. Continue reading

  1. The prospect of Greek debt default isn't just weighing down the local economy either. Inextricably intertwined as the global fiat economy is, the Euro has taken some damage, as have a number of stock markets around the world, as many are wondering aloud whether Greece is the canary in the coalmine of paper promises.