Russian Air Defense Hardware Getting Pretty Good At Intercepting US Missiles

Overnight the US, Airstrip One, and France launched missile strikes against Syria which were condemned by both the Russians and Chinese. Out of 103 missiles launched, 71 were reportedly intercepted leaving 32 to strike targets. This move comes 373 days after Trump last directed US cruise missiles towards a Syrian airbase's pussy. Syria and Russia are reporting that this attack was "absorbed" with personel having been withdrawn from the target sites days in advance while the US insists no warning of the attack was offered.

Pantsuit Disarmament March Eclipsed In Popular Headlines By Opposition From Musicians: Killa Mike And Bataclan Survivor Jesse Hughes Call For Sanity

A disarmament march carried out by young pantsuits supporting citizen disarmament in the United States was overshadowed in the Pantsuit media this weekend by celebrity opposition. The trend was started by a National Rifle Association interview with beloved gangsta rapper Killer Mike who attacked young gun grabbers as 'progressive lackeys' and 'not woke' working to 'progress us into slavery' (archived).

This was followed today by pantsuit pearl clutching in outrage against Bataclan terror attack survivor Jesse Helms who compared people opposing their own gun ownership because of violence to men chopping off their own dicks to stop rape. Helms further accused the student activists the pantsuit march was centered around of exploiting their classmates' deaths for Facebook likes (archived).

Leftist Frenchman Batters Woman During Her Visit To Market Over Objections To Her Politics

Nathalie Kosciusko-Morizet was battered and knocked unconscious by a middle aged man wearing chinos (archived). Kosciusko-Morizet is a conservative candidate running for a seat in the French parliament. The aggressor appears to have escaped responsibility for their politically motivated act of terror.

And so leftist violence against conservative officials and candidates continues.

Pantsuit Macaroon Takes French Presidency Amid Widespread Ballot Destruction Allegations

Pantsuit Party loyalist and nursing home pick up artist Emmanuel Macron has been declared the winner of the French presidential election. Fake news outlets were swift to declare the Pantsuit candidate's victory after polls closed. The actual will of the French people remains uncertain amid widespread allegations that Pantsuit Party loyalists adopted the winning strategy of manipulating the election results by destroying ballots marked in favor of moderate centerist Marine Le Pen of the National Front.

Echos Of The Great Again: France Pits Moderate Populist Against Hard Left Socialist In General Election

This weekend France conducted the first round of their presidential elections narrowing the field to moderate populist Marine Le Pen and hard left socialist Macron. Le Pen was identified  by Qntra as the favorite to become the next French president back in June of 2016. Macron on the other hand is a long time member of one of France's establishment socialist parties and has a pronounced sexual interest in the elderly. The French fake news media has been assisting Macron's campaign by ignoring his substantial record and fraudulently painting his campaign as outsider and populist. All candidates of France's established parties with a history of holding the presidency were shut out of the final round due to insufficient favorable ballots.

The final round of voting will take place on May 7th, 2017.

French Financial Regulatorast Fines Payment Service Provider Over Bitcoin Business

On March 30th, the "Commission des sanctions" of the "Autorité de Contrôle Prudentiel et de Résolution" fined the Lemon Way Payments Services Provider for over 80,000 € on various charges, among which insufficient KYC and AML performance in relation with a French Bitcoin/fiat interface.

This amount represents almost half the last published profits of the French PSP, led at the time by Mr Sébastien Burlet (WoT: nonperson).

These breach instances include mainly: failure to collect KYC paperwork for 34 customers, failure to report 9 customers to legal enforcement on suspicions of money laundering, and failure to further interrogate 20 customers, for which the declared wealth allegedly didn't match the transaction volumes.

The violations are mostly related to business in relation with an unnamed french Bitcoin/fiat interface. The ACPR aptly reminding the public that Bitcoin carries a high-risk of people actually exercising their basic human right to financial privacy.

Shinohai's Shitcoin Roundup Xtend: BTU Breakage Heat, Zcash Instamine Lulz, And More

The "Bitcoin Unlimited" development team will be releasing their token, $BTU, on April Fool's day of this year in what will surely be hailed as one of the most fitting release dates for a team ever. Unlimited node count dropped significantly this week after the discovery of a remote crash vulnerability. Core developer Greg Maxwell stated on reddit earlier this week that “There are vulnerabilities in Unlimited which have been privately reported to you in Unlimited by Bitcoin Core folks which you have not acted on, sadly. More severe than this one, in fact.” which should ensure a steady supply of lulz in the weeks to come.

Zcash's Zooko, deciding his coin doesn't have a scammy enough image, announced this week the formation of `The Zcash foundation` which will supposedly "promote a healthy and diverse zcash community" Zooko stated he will fund the foundation with half of his "founders reward" instamine, the total amounting to 273,000 coins currently worth $13 million USD at current trade prices. Matthew Green, assistant professor of computer science at Johns Hopkins University, is reputed to be one of the foundation members, which the group hopes will add an air of legitimacy to the scheme.

A new type of ransomware, dubbed "Kirk", has surfaced in various corners of the internet demanding payment via Monero instead of Bitcoin.

Never missing an opportunity to hard fork their flaming-tire-in-a-shitpit, the Ethereum development team announced that their latest fork, codenamed "Metropolis" is now back on their roadmap after being forced to postpone the "improvements" due to The DAO hack

Hussein Bahamas To Vacation Closer To Kenya?

The doe-eyed founders of the Obama '17 Campaign for French President recently admitted to MSM that

It's definitely a joke. But it could make people think a little bit about what we could do differently in French politics.

Unsatisfied with the impending La Penmanship and the inevitable conclusion of the Nth Republique,1 this founding band of 30-something "creatives" don't appear to appreciate that Bahamas deported more people from his country and was at war longer than any other previous US President, all while greatly increasing the tax burden and doubling the national debt. Evidently, ostriches believing in the "Scandal-Free Presidency" mythology aren't unknown in the Paris area, as evidenced by the claim that

I think the whole world would love to have him as president

#pasvraiment but that hasn't stopped the increasing use of #ouionpeut.


  1. Not to mention eager to relive the glory days when foreign rulers oversaw the French / Gaulish provinces, whether that was Julius Caesar, Henry V, Henry VI, or Napolean.  

Kim Kardashian Bound, Gagged, and Robbed After Social Media Use

Kim Kardashian was bound, gagged, and robbed during a home invasion of the Parisian hotel apartment she shares with Yeezus (archived). The heist has been described in the populist media as "well planned" an attribute likely assisted by Kardashian's prolific use of social media. Using social media Kardashian uploaded substantial photo and videographic information of the residence that was likely of tremendous value for the home invaders, 10 million1 United States dollars of informational value if the reports circulating in the popular press are to be believed. Sorry for your loss.


  1. My has the value of these things dropped.