CoinBase Fiat Side Glitch Opens Butts For Hurts

An unnamed bug in Coinbase's purchasing system is responsible for multiple cases of SFYL this week, with angry redditards reporting having their bank accounts drained of filthy fiat after making a single purchase on the platform. As always, Coinbase was quick to lay the blame elsewhere, stating “We have confirmed that this is an issue occurring downstream from Coinbase, and we’re working with those parties to reach a resolution.”

The glitch went unnoticed from Jan.22 until Feb.11 and "customer service" reps from Coinbase say everyone should rest assured that they will be refunded in full. The company recently made changes to how it handles credit card purchases, listing them as "cash advances" at the point-of-sale, resulting in all the customer's cash being advanced directly to Coinbase's coffers. The front page of r/Coinbase on reddit stands as a testament to the escalating number of rubes who probably now wish they were using actual bitcoin.

Mayoman Squeals As Buterin's Waterfall Weakens

Oink OinkMayogendered money-man Agustín Carstens, general manager of the Bank for International Settlement, is calling Bitcoin “a combination of a bubble, a Ponzi scheme and an environmental disaster” and urges banks and regulators to "clamp down" on Bitcoin and other "cryptocurrencies" to prevent them from becoming a “threat to financial stability”. He further stated that

"If the only ‘business case’ is use for illicit or illegal transactions, central banks cannot allow such tokens to rely on much of the same institutional infrastructure that serves the overall financial system and freeload on the trust that it provides." — A homo sapien operating at a profound calorie surplus for a very long time

Pretend Bitcoin service and exchange Conbase has already blazed the path for such sentiments, charging "customers" nearly 10% of their BTC value in fees and interest per transaction. On Monday, Lloyds bank of Britain also followed suit, banning the use of credit cards to buy Bitcoin and “cryptocurrencies”, their reasoning being that customers will be unable to repay their debts due to the volatile nature of pricing.

Malware Exploiting Intel CPU Hardware Vunerabilities Being Found In The Wild

A series of exploits in Intel CPUs at the hardware level which were publicly revealed last month are now being targeted by malware in the wild. Microcode patches which reduce without completely mitigating the vulnerabilities reduce compute performance on affected chips drastically as the vulnerabilities are a consequence of "optimizations" Intel chose to pursue. [Source](archived)

What Happened While Qntra Was Down

In The Most Serene Republic:

Outside the Republic:



  1. BingoBoingo: Attention Lords And Ladies of The Republic: You may add 161.0.121.253 to your hosts file as Qntra.net

     

Latest Bitcoin Network Difficulty Adjustment: Up ~19.58 Percent To New All Time High As Chicoms Push Out Local fiat/Bitcoin Trading Interfaces

Mining difficulty on the Bitcoin network skyrocketed nearly twenty  percentage points to 1103400932964.29248047 from 922724699725.96276855 to a new all time high.

While mining difficulty sits at an all time high, the price of Bitcoin reported by fiat/Bitcoin interfaces is sitting roughly twenty percent below the most recent all time high established near the beginning of this month. The United States dollar recovered a small bit of ground against Bitcoin when the racist government of the People's Republic of China decided to ban trading on their local fiat/Bitcoin interfaces. This move by the Chicoms was followed by the a constant stream of "Bitcoin is valueless" editorials in the legacy USian "financial" fake news press.

Buttfunex Preparing For Another Insertion: Sorry For Your Loss

Buttfinex is gearing up to stuff as much SFYL into their USD "Tether" platform as possible according to a recent post on their blog. The company states that they are "excited to announce the forthcoming launch of Tether USD tokens as an ERC20 token on the Ethereum network" and will be "working with the TREZOR development community to complete the integration for Tether USD" on the trezor hardware wallet, giving the device something else to phone home about. The post went on to address concerns regarding the company's solvency, balking at releasing the full range of audits as they "were not in a form suitable for public consumption". Information for the Taiwan-based auditing firm TOPSUN CPAs & Co. listed in the post, which they claimed handled the audits, could not be found. (archived)

Bitcoin Network Mining Difficulty Up ~3.9% To New All Time High

The mining difficulty on the Bitcoin network has risen ~3.9 percent to 922724699725.96276855 from 888171856257.32055664 for a new all time high. This is ever so slightly above the previous all time high of 923233068448.90527344 set in the first difficulty adjustment following the schism of a Roger Ver-ified altcoin away from the Blockchain. The continued efforts propping up the Roger Ver-ified chain is proving to be a very expensive proposition for the involved fiat interests.

Bitcoin Network Mining Difficulty Drops ~3.8 Percent To Second Place Versus All Time High

At the latest Bitcoin network mining difficulty adjustment, difficulty fell approximately 3.8 percent from the all time high of 923233068448.90527344 to a new second highest all time value of 888171856257.32055664 today. Aside from typical variance, the possibility of some hashpower  inflicting woe upon a certain altcoin and heroically repatriating BTC value may have contributed to this small drop in difficulty.

Barry Silbert Picks Block 494784 For Altcoin Exodus From Bitcoin

Barry Silbert's altcoin forking effort, which is just as marginal and fringe as Roger Ver's,1 has selected block 494,784 for their exodus from Bitcoin. The new altcoin has pledged of support from the 50 plus sybils of Barry Silbert's "Digital Currency Group".

We are Barry Silbert for your loss.


  1. Silbert's altcoin has a 2MB blocksize while Ver's has an 8MB blocksize.