US Sorghum Boats Looking For New Markets After China Implements Anti-Dumping Measures

Twenty ships loaded with 1.2 million tons of Sorghum are changing course after China implemented anti-dumping measures targeting the grain (archived). Chinese imports of US sorghum began only five years ago and China swiftly began purchasing nearly all US exportable sorghum as livestock fodder. These boats are in the unfortunate position of requiring an entirely new market for their product while at the same time burning precious fuel in the Pacific.

Russian Air Defense Hardware Getting Pretty Good At Intercepting US Missiles

Overnight the US, Airstrip One, and France launched missile strikes against Syria which were condemned by both the Russians and Chinese. Out of 103 missiles launched, 71 were reportedly intercepted leaving 32 to strike targets. This move comes 373 days after Trump last directed US cruise missiles towards a Syrian airbase's pussy. Syria and Russia are reporting that this attack was "absorbed" with personel having been withdrawn from the target sites days in advance while the US insists no warning of the attack was offered.

Public Bailout Of Bezo Bungle Continues In Indiana

Regional accreditors have given approval to a plan which would allow Indiana's Purdue University, a public institution, to bail out Jeff Bezos' expensive education bungle "Kaplan University" in a deal which delivers the Bezos venture relief from the costs of operating the school. The Bezos venture will still be involved after selling the money sink to Purdue for a nominal sum. Kaplan is positioned to receive an unknown amount of ongoing income for delivering "marketing" and ancilliary "services" to Purdue.

Very Cold Britain Running Out Of Natural Gas

Britain's natural gas grid operators issued a warming that on this very day they will not have enough natural gas to meet heating demand in the middle of a stretch of severe winter weather. The numbers offered by the fellows issuing the warning on the day of the crisis are a shortfally of 54 million cubic metres or 14% less gas on hand than Britain needs today (archived).

Fickle Fiat: Twenty Year Old Social Media User Knocks 1.3 Billion USD Off Snapchat Market Cap

After Kim Kardashian's 20 year old sister Kylie Jenner announced she doesn't really use Snapchat anymore, traders on the NYSE began dumping shares of the application's parent company Snap Inc. More than 1.3 billion Unified Standard Dosiedos in value has been shaved off the social media firm.

Buttfunder Founder Montroll Arrested

The U.S. Department of [in]Justice has arrested the founder of BitFunder, Jon Montroll (WOT:nonperson) – better known as Ukyo – in response to an investigation by The FBI and the Securities and Exchange Commission. BitFunder was an early Bitcoin "securities exchange" that saw around 6000 BTC liberated from it's coffers due to a bug that allowed attackers to credit themselves funds among other lulz. The announcement on the Department of [in]Justice website alleges that Montroll lied to SEC investigators in 2013 when questioned in regards to company finances after the hack, while depositing some of his own coins to BitFund in an effort to conceal the SFYL. Mr. Montroll has been charged with two counts of perjury and a single count of obstruction of justice.

BTC-E Down Owner Appears Headed For USG "Coke Machine" Treatment As Fiatist Thefts Continue

Long time semi-independent fiat/Bitcoin interface BTC-E has gone down with its apparent operator captured by USG and Greek pederast forces. The Stasi's press representatives are alleging that BTC-E laundered 4 billion United States dollars since 2011, this is in spite of BTC-E trading multiple tokens in addition to Bitcoin with one of the most volatile being the United States dollar. This suggests the Stasi pulled the 4 Billion dollar figure out of someone's ass to defend their favored scamcoin's honor.

This move follows the death earlier this month of Alexandre Cazes, the alleged proprietor of AlphaBay, who appears to have been killed by one of the Stasi's attempts to capture Bitcoin value via the "coke machine" method. Perhaps the Stasi feels that partnering with the Greek pederasts, with their legendary Hellenic loving touch, might give this latest captive enough life to spit out the private keys.

The fiatists continue thrashing.