Russian Ambassador To Turkey Assasinated

Today Russian Ambassador to Turkey Andrei Karlov was shot dead by an assassin at an art gallery in Ankara. The assassin is alleged to be a local police officer who during the killing praised the name of his higher power, one he chooses to call Allah.

Due to the nature of the event a number of high quality photographs and videos of the attacker and the attack itself are circulating. There is no credible news on the identity Mevlüt Mert Altıntaş has been identified as the shooter and his fate is still unknown at this time suggesting he is still at large and possibly being supported in his evasion of justice is in custody.

Two and a half miles away the United States embassy complex was shut down due to a "security incident". United States Lame Duck President Hussein Bahamas still enjoys a bit more than a month in office with which he can start a hot war with Russia.

Lower Korea Makes "Our Democracy" Weird Again

Lower Korean1 President Park Geun-hye was impeached following a scandal involving confidential information granted to the president's "Spiritual Advisor" by the chief executive of our democracy. On top of the simple charge the President was impeached for there was substantial media campaign involving the occult and tawdry sex allegations which eroded popular support for the President as is traditional in our democracy. Park Geun-hye remains the President of lower Korea including residence at the Blue House though Presidential powers of our democracy have been transferred to the Prime Minister until the Supreme Court rules on the impeachment.

If the Supreme Court rules to eject Park Geun-hye from office, the United Nation's Ban Ki Moon is the leading candidate to win the office. Conveniently Moon's term as UN Secretary General expires at the end of this year. Make Our Democracy Weird Again!

  1. Also known as Republic of Korea, not to be confused with The Democratic People's Republic of Best Korea  

US Tax Department Busted By Indian Police

Police in rural Thane, India have arrested over 500 people working in a call center, accusing them of scamming U.S. citizens in a fraud scheme. The callers allegedly would tell the victims they were with the "US Tax Department" and demanded financial and bank details, and threatened them with legal action if they refused to provide the details. The employees would then use the information to withdraw funds from the accounts, with officials estimating the scheme could make upwards of $160,000 USD a day. Police said the investigation was ongoing and further information was to be released soon, although no word was available as to whether any iTunes gift cards were recovered in the haul

Duterte Assigns Phillipine Police To Investigate US Police

Phillipine President Rodrigo Duterte (WOT:unknown/undisclosed) has charged Phillipine National Police Chief Ronald dela Rosa with sending a task force to the United States to investigate violence committed by police in the United States (archived). While lesser world leaders limit their criticism of the criminal gang in Washington, DC's actions to those on the international stage, the ever consummate humanitarian Duterte takes America to task at home. Peace in our time.

Japanese Virginity Reaches Crisis Levels

The Japan Times reports that nearly half of unmarried adult Japanese men and women are virgins. Decades of social "reforms" have left the Japanese population docile to the point sex outside a marital contract rarely happens, and Japan's low birthrate suggests that even marital contracts to little to promote sex among those residents of Japan who managed to lose their virginity.

A similar though less developed trend of sexlessness is beginning to emerge in the young adult population in the United States, though rampant transmayogenderism complicates comparisons by as many young Americans can be visually identified as sexually defective from a distance. Japan's increase in obesity lags their growing sexlessness while American sexlessness lags their increasing obesity. The failure of the fundamental biological drive to "make baby" suggest deep defects at the societal and personal level in both cases.

Peace (by attrition) in our time.


Hussein Bahamas Cancels Duterte Meeting At ASEAN Over Hurt Feelings

Hussein BahamasA planned meeting at ASEAN between United States Oval Office bench warmer Hussein Bahamas and Phillipine President Rodrigo Duterte has been cancelled over Duterte's refusal to be lectured by Bahamas over so called "human rights" with Duterte rejecting Hussein Bahamas as "a son of a whore." The mainstream press in the United States is spinning this clearly mutual decision not to meet as Hussein Bahamas cancelling the meeting. This is the second major show of weakness on the international stage by Hussein Bahamas this week.

Peace in our time.


Bankrupt Hanjin Desperately Fighting To Prevent Seizure Of Ships

Shipping giant Hanjin filed for receivership in South Korea and filed for bankruptcy in the United States last week after its finances collapsed. This week news is emerging that Hanjin is trying to file for bankruptcy protection in 40 different jurisdictions as they desperately work to prevent any more of their ships from being seized in port. Hanjin operated the world's seventh largest container line at a loss in four of the last five years. The number of Hanjin ships which have been denied access to ports stands at 79. Hanjin claims a fleet of 141 ships, of which 128 are operating. Spot shipping prices on routes conveying cargo from Asia to North America have been holding ~40% higher than they were immediately before Hanjin's initial bankruptcy filing. The firm's current crisis follows the recent refusal of creditors to lend Hanjin any more capital to finance its operating expenses. Sorry for your loss.

Bahamas G20 Landing Brouhaha

United States Oval Office seat warmer Hussein Bahamas after arriving in Hangzhou, China for the G20 conference disembarked from his plane using the belly staircase rather than a roll up staircase. De-planing Air Force One by the more common roll up staircase indicates confidence in the security of the de-planing situation and indicates a positive relationship between parties to the landing and de-planing.

By contrast a belly staircase de-planing indicates tension between parties and a lack of confidence defined by feelings of insecurity. The official verified Twitter account of the United States Defense Intelligence Agency made light of the tension by tweeting "Classy as always China" and linking a New York Times piece about the tense situation featuring a full frontal picture of Hussein Bahamas engaged in belly de-planing. The tweet making light of Hussein Bahamas' engagement in a supremely submissive act has already been deleted. Peace in our time.