Dallas Storm/Raid Sirens Pose Interesting Ransomware Potential

Dallas, Texas officials are still attempting to figure out who hacked into the city's emergency warning system Friday night, setting off all 156 sirens across the city and inundating the 911 center with calls from concerned residents. The warning system, which alert residents to severe weather or other public emergencies, was likely breached by someone within close proximity to the Dallas area according to city spokeswoman Sana Syed. Budding Sherlock and Mayor Mike Rawlings said this was "evidence of a need to upgrade and safeguard the city's technology infrastructure", since this obviously wasn't being done before.

The attacker was able to turn the sirens back on 15 times in a 90 minute period, thwarting technicians trying to stop them. City officials were forced to contact the Federal Communications Commission for assistance when it became obvious they were unable to prevent the hackers from rearming the system again once shut off, and were hopeful the system would be restored to "normal operations" again by the end of the weekend, likely meaning returning it to its former state and hoping no one breaks it again.

Islamic State Oppresses Minority Religion On Holy Feast Day

Today militants flying the banner of the Islamic State's Caliphate oppressed members of a minority religion in their place of worship on one of their holy feast days. The militants representing the Caliphate's interests in Egypt bombed two Coptic Christian churches as the members of the minority religion were celebrating "Palm Sunday", a feast marking their holy tradesman's triumphant return to Jerusalem days before the holy tradesman was martyred by combined Italian and Jewish police violence.

Majority Black Ferguson Missouri Re-Elects White Man As Mayor

Ferguson, the majority black suburb of Saint Louis, Missouri has re-elected white man James Knowles III to a third term as mayor. Knowles was challenged by black woman and former Mary Kay sales professional Ella Jones who ran on a "Black Lives Matter" platform in the city where Knowles response to black civil unrest is alleged to have sparked the "Black Lives Matter" movement. Since the August 2014 shooting which was latched on to by the Fake News media who canonized the late Michael Brown as a saint, black lives have not seemed to particularly increase in significance among the local community. Two thirds of Ferguson's population is black and Knowles was re-elected by 56 percent of the ballots cast in the election.

Hussein Bahamas Advisor Susan Rice Fingered As Surveillance To Political Operatives Conduit

Numerous sources are fingering Hussein Bahamas advisor Susan Rice as the conduit who carried so called "incidentally collected" surveillance on US President Trump and his associates to the rest of Hussein Bahamas political operatives. Jeff Bezos run fake news outlets under the "Washington Post" label are predictably running pieces alleging that not only did Susan Rice not do such a thing, but she should have because it would be "Right, Good, and Proper"(TM)(R).1


  1. The same outlets have run a piece of speculative fiction supposing an American "Reichstag Fire" which would subvert the "rule of law" pretense. Unfortunately the piece was published 5684 days after September 11, 2001.  

Shinohai's Shitcoin Roundup Xtend: Ver's Second Coming, PiTato Drama, Hash Shenanigans

  • Buttcoin Unlimited fork supporters are still waiting for the second coming of their altcoin Jesus Roger Ver, hoping he makes good on a promise to trade all of his actual Bitcoins for BCU tokens on Buttfinex at a 1:1 ratio. A reddit user claiming to control an address with 40,000 BTC made the deal with the shitcoin slinger over a week ago, though the deal has to be finalized, likely due to the whole "deal" being nothing more than a social engineering attempt to shore up prices and support. Prices of the BCU tokens at the time of this article were sitting at 0.14 BTC per and a stagnant volume of less than 20 BTC in trading.
  • Reddit users finally start to suspect that, just maybe, 21co is nothing more than shit-as-a-service, with one user noting the only thing to come out of $121.5 million USD in venture capital funding being a paid inbox service and a $400 Raspberry Pi doorstop with no case and software cloned from other repositories on Github. (archived)
  • Syscoin announced it had received Microshit Azure product certification for 3 "blockchain technology" products, after initially partnering with the altcoin developers a year ago. The hope is that they can sell their particular brand of blockchain snakeoil as enterprise services, although users would likely be better off just using MySQL in the first place.
  • An unknown prankster hacked mining pools antpool, viabtc, and btctop and redirected the hashpower to f2pool. f2pool owner Wang Chun reported that their hashrate "Doubled Instantly". (archived)

US Infrastructure Today: Trump's EPA Saves California Agriculture And Vagrants Drop Atlanta Bridge

Events of the past week have done much to illuminate the state of US "Infrastructure" to the extent such a thing pretends to exist.

  • Substantial protest circulated among the media when Trump's EPA head Scott Pruitt decided not to implement new rules which would prohibit the agricultural use of the organophosphate pesticide chlorpyrifos. Chorpyrifos, while neurotoxic in humans, is a crucial part of sustaining California's pretense as the "salad bowl" of the United States.The fake news media has dedicated zero time to thanks directed towards the Trump administration by produce growers and merchants.
  • In Atlanta a fire which lead to a highway bridge collapse is being attributed to vagrants. Local officials credit bulk storage of PVC pipes under the bridge as providing substantial fuel for the vagrant nuisance conflagration to grow to the point it collapsed the bridge. Three arrests have been made among the local homeless population. These same local officials expect the replacement of 700 feet of highway to take months.
  • Deputy White House Chief of Staff Katie Walsh has been reassigned from the White House to work on a campaign fundraising gig. Katie Walsh has been subject to rumours of serving as a source for the fake news media's delusionist social engineering campaigns.

DNC Follows Clitler's Lead, Fires Entire Staff

Tom "Tommy Gun" Perez, as newly elected Chairman of the Democratic National Committee (DNC), has formally requested the resignation letters of all current staffers by April 15th, 2017. New positions will be selected by a 30-member Transition Advisory Committee composed of DNCers who will thereafter be ineligible in El Senor's new administration.

Contrary to any presumption about how sweet, safe, and care-free it is to live on the dole of the she-state, this DNC debacle demonstrates once again that nothing could be further from the truth.

Sorry for your leftism, holmes.

US Securities Regulator Denies Another "Paper Bitcoin" Trading Instrument

The United States Securities and Exchange Commission (WOT:unpersons) has denied a petition by a venture calling itself "SolidX" (WOT:nonpersons) to trade a paper security simulating Bitcoin on US markets. This follows the same group's denial of a similar petition by the Winkelvii (WOT:unregistered eukaryote) to list a paper simulated Bitcoin instrument. Sorry for your laws.

Computing Constraints Limit Amazon's Brick And Mortar Adventure with "Shopsize" Limit

Amazon has suffered a setback in its bid to open brick-and-mortar retail establishments when Ethereum-like bugs caused the store not to function if more than 20 people were inside at one time. Amazon hoped to roll out the stores, dubbed "Go" at the end of this month, but tests showed that their "shopper-tracking" technology was unable to follow people around the building. Tracking issues reportedly didn't end with just people, as the system also had difficulty locating products that were moved from their original places on a shelf. The stores would not have traditional cashiers, instead letting customers walk in, select items, then have the purchases charged against their Amazon account. The company did not say when, or if, the stores might actually be ready to open any time in the near future.