Poor Brits Evacuated From Their Warehousing In Green Incinerators

Following a 30 minute apartment tower to oven conversion earlier this month which claimed at least 79 lives, thousands of impoverished Brits are being evacuated from their government sponsored storage. The Grenfell inferno that triggered the current round of evacuations was fed by flammable insulating foam cladding applied to the exterior of the building in the name of "Green" energy conservation.

As of this writing more than 4,000 people have been made internal refugees of the United Kingdom due to the government's disregard for fire safety as it pursued it's "Green" efficiency fetish while remodelling the facilities that once stored these new refugees. The type of insulation which converted the Grenfell tower to an oven is banned in high rise applications outside the United Kingdom for fire safety reasons, and is at least nominally banned inside the United Kingdom as well.

Prime Minister Theresa May has not answered whether the Government was aware it had banned the sort of flammable cladding applied to its warehouses for the poor. May, whose government has now been saddled with the expense of catching up on deferred maintenance on an emergency basis for these warehouses, further insisted that Airstrip One no es un pais pobre.

Arkansas Plant Board Sends Emergency Dicamba Ban To Governor Amid "Continued Dicamba Destruction Xtend (TM)(R)"

In the second growing season since Monsanto released their "Xtend Crop System" featuring dicamba resistant soybeans and cotton, the Arkansas State Plant Board has been moved to propose an emergency ban on the in-crop use of dicamba outside of traditional applications of the herbicide to pasture land. The emergency ban now awaits the Governor's approval following an 11-3 endorsement by the Plant Board.

Monsanto's response to the proposed ban has been to point out that 33 other states have been perfectly happy telling their trees and non-Monsanto broad leaf crops to get fucked. Monsanto's Christi Dixon seriously proposes1 bailing out the customers of one her employer's products, a product which still grows and yields a crop without being "nourished" by this particular herbicide, by fucking everyone in Monsanto allowing territories over.

Enjoy the amber waves that did not live long enough to yield grain. Sorry for your loess.


  1. Having her employer in the byline leads to the assumption that the work is not intended as a satirical piece  

Violence Today: One Arrest, Another Suspect At Large For Threatening Trump

Two separate incidents of threats against elected United States President Donald Trump have been handled in very different ways. An Edwardsville1 man was arrested for issuing the following utterance on Facebook:

Guess what Trump? I’m waiting for the right time…and I KNOW your (sic) Putin’s (expletive)! The secret service now has a heads up as to my plan to assassinate Trump…let’s see if they act.

Meanwhile left wing activist, organizer, and recreational actor Johnny Depp is still at large after issuing the following threat against Trump:

When was the last time an actor assassinated a president?


  1. Edwardsville is 25 miles north of Belleville where the terrorist John Hodgkinson lived and was radicalized by hate.  

The Poofening: Ether Huffers Suffer Price Flash Crash (As Opposed To More Frequently Covered Service Crash)

mETH huffers, who have been anxiously awaiting an event they dub "The Flippening" (Where the Ethereum fiat market cap surpasses that of Bitcoin), instead were treated to visions of "The Poofening" on Wednesday afternoon when the price of Ethereum flash-crashed down to $13. The price recovered to previous levels shortly afterward, thanks to the efforts of seedy exchanges such as GDAX plugging the holes of the sinking ship by suddenly making signing in to their exchange impossible. Reddit tears likely flow freely tonight with one user reporting a SFYL on GDAX when $10k USD worth of ETH was sold at $16. Ethereum still struggles to not implode under the weight of DDoS attacks to its network owing to the uptick of ICO scams using the platform of late.

Georgia Special Election Demonstrates Continued Erosion Of Fake News Influence In US

Trump's GOP has retained yet another seat in the US Congress vacated by the appointment of its occupant to Trump's cabinet. Following Greg Gianforte's win in Montana's referendum last month, an unprecedented amount of money was spent by the International Pantsuit Party in a failed effort to elect their candidate, the pajama boy Jon Ossoff.

Throughout the entire run up to the special election, "polls" presented by the fake news media projected the opposite of what the actual outcome would be. Movement in the presented polls follow the familiar patter where the pantsuit candidate had a strong lead, the polls narrowed, and then the polls were wrong. The fake news talking heads who presented the very wrong polls also advertised their intense coverage of the special election as "THE referendum on the early Trump administration", but then they stopped using that language very soon after the polls closed.

Ford Turns To China To Save Small Cars

The Ford Motor Company announced to day that it would become the first "American" automaker to outsource the manufacturing of a whole passenger car model to China. Ford will be relocating production of it's runty, low margin, and slow selling "Focus" to China while the plant in suburban Detroit currently producing the Focus will be retooled for pickup truck and SUV production.

Previously, mainstream US vehicular imports from China were limited to parts while upstart brands bringing whole vehicles to the US from China typically import budget vehicles with "off-road use only" import papers and street tires to increase their affordability for cash poor American consumers.

Today Is The First Anniversary of "DAO Emptying" Ethereum Attack

Today marks one year since the devastating hack of "The DAO" and led to Ethereum being split into two competing tire fires. Despite the event providing ample warning of what happens when one listens to serial scammers, this hasn't stopped excitable monkeys from continuing to delude themselves and others in a vain effort to build what they believe is "unstoppable code" on the remains of the platform, biding their time until Pope Butt-Erin and the Ethereum Foundation hit the rewind button and inject more Sorry For Your Loss into the mix.

Amazon To Pay 13.7 Billion US Dollars For Brick And Mortar Footprint

Today Jeff Bezos' Amazon announced that they would be acquiring the 450 store grocery chain "Whole Foods" in a move that would give the start up a brick and mortar footprint. Previous attempts by Amazon to grow their own brick and mortar presence have highlighted structural problems in the way Amazon grows when left to its own devices.

The 42 US dollar per share price is a 27% premium over Whole Food's closing share price of 33.06 US dollars yesterday. This aggressive move into the low margin grocery business comes as Jeff Bezos is seeking a public bailout over an earlier misadventures in the higher margin education business.

Failed State To Be Removed From Trade Partnership

The failed state of Illinois is set to be removed from the Multi-State Lottery Association at the end of this month over grave concerns about the the state's fiscal health. In the absence of a state budget and with the possibility of balancing any budget an impossibility in light of the state's tremendous pension burden. The total pile of unpaid bills currently due recently crossed 15 billion dollars with some creditors having greater success collecting than others. According to the Multi-State Lottery Association Illinois can avoid being ejected from their lottery treaty by passing a budget. This would compel Illinois residents to cross state lines to participate in the Powerball jackpot game. The state's insurgent GOP governor Bruce Rauner and the establishment Democrats dominating the legislature have been deadlocked since Rauner's inauguration over what kind of pain the next budget should inflict.

Fake News Tries To Bury Their Culpability For Inciting Violence By Alleging Fake Criminal Investigation

Following the fake news media and pant suit party's success yesterday in inciting a mentally unstable Belleville man to political violence, they tried to divert attention from their incitement. As a distraction they are alleging that elected US President Donald Trump is being investigated for the fake crime of "obstruction of justice".1

Meanwhile former FBI director and Special Counsel Robert Mueller has yet to recuse himself from investigating matters related to his protege and rumored lover James Comey. Recent polling of voters from "our democracy" shows strong support for prosecuting Comey over leaking information he alleges was gathered in his official capacity as an officer of the United States Government (archived).


  1. In the general case, this is a fake crime in the sense that the intersection of actual justice and activities undertaken by agents of the evil empire is nil. In this particular case, two parties to a private conversation are disputing a portion of the conversation's content. In the months since the disputed conversation there has been no sign of a dispute until one party was fired by the better party.