The Poofening: Ether Huffers Suffer Price Flash Crash (As Opposed To More Frequently Covered Service Crash)

mETH huffers, who have been anxiously awaiting an event they dub "The Flippening" (Where the Ethereum fiat market cap surpasses that of Bitcoin), instead were treated to visions of "The Poofening" on Wednesday afternoon when the price of Ethereum flash-crashed down to $13. The price recovered to previous levels shortly afterward, thanks to the efforts of seedy exchanges such as GDAX plugging the holes of the sinking ship by suddenly making signing in to their exchange impossible. Reddit tears likely flow freely tonight with one user reporting a SFYL on GDAX when $10k USD worth of ETH was sold at $16. Ethereum still struggles to not implode under the weight of DDoS attacks to its network owing to the uptick of ICO scams using the platform of late.

Georgia Special Election Demonstrates Continued Erosion Of Fake News Influence In US

Trump's GOP has retained yet another seat in the US Congress vacated by the appointment of its occupant to Trump's cabinet. Following Greg Gianforte's win in Montana's referendum last month, an unprecedented amount of money was spent by the International Pantsuit Party in a failed effort to elect their candidate, the pajama boy Jon Ossoff.

Throughout the entire run up to the special election, "polls" presented by the fake news media projected the opposite of what the actual outcome would be. Movement in the presented polls follow the familiar patter where the pantsuit candidate had a strong lead, the polls narrowed, and then the polls were wrong. The fake news talking heads who presented the very wrong polls also advertised their intense coverage of the special election as "THE referendum on the early Trump administration", but then they stopped using that language very soon after the polls closed.

Ford Turns To China To Save Small Cars

The Ford Motor Company announced to day that it would become the first "American" automaker to outsource the manufacturing of a whole passenger car model to China. Ford will be relocating production of it's runty, low margin, and slow selling "Focus" to China while the plant in suburban Detroit currently producing the Focus will be retooled for pickup truck and SUV production.

Previously, mainstream US vehicular imports from China were limited to parts while upstart brands bringing whole vehicles to the US from China typically import budget vehicles with "off-road use only" import papers and street tires to increase their affordability for cash poor American consumers.

Amazon To Pay 13.7 Billion US Dollars For Brick And Mortar Footprint

Today Jeff Bezos' Amazon announced that they would be acquiring the 450 store grocery chain "Whole Foods" in a move that would give the start up a brick and mortar footprint. Previous attempts by Amazon to grow their own brick and mortar presence have highlighted structural problems in the way Amazon grows when left to its own devices.

The 42 US dollar per share price is a 27% premium over Whole Food's closing share price of 33.06 US dollars yesterday. This aggressive move into the low margin grocery business comes as Jeff Bezos is seeking a public bailout over an earlier misadventures in the higher margin education business.

Failed State To Be Removed From Trade Partnership

The failed state of Illinois is set to be removed from the Multi-State Lottery Association at the end of this month over grave concerns about the the state's fiscal health. In the absence of a state budget and with the possibility of balancing any budget an impossibility in light of the state's tremendous pension burden. The total pile of unpaid bills currently due recently crossed 15 billion dollars with some creditors having greater success collecting than others. According to the Multi-State Lottery Association Illinois can avoid being ejected from their lottery treaty by passing a budget. This would compel Illinois residents to cross state lines to participate in the Powerball jackpot game. The state's insurgent GOP governor Bruce Rauner and the establishment Democrats dominating the legislature have been deadlocked since Rauner's inauguration over what kind of pain the next budget should inflict.

Fake News Tries To Bury Their Culpability For Inciting Violence By Alleging Fake Criminal Investigation

Following the fake news media and pant suit party's success yesterday in inciting a mentally unstable Belleville man to political violence, they tried to divert attention from their incitement. As a distraction they are alleging that elected US President Donald Trump is being investigated for the fake crime of "obstruction of justice".1

Meanwhile former FBI director and Special Counsel Robert Mueller has yet to recuse himself from investigating matters related to his protege and rumored lover James Comey. Recent polling of voters from "our democracy" shows strong support for prosecuting Comey over leaking information he alleges was gathered in his official capacity as an officer of the United States Government (archived).


  1. In the general case, this is a fake crime in the sense that the intersection of actual justice and activities undertaken by agents of the evil empire is nil. In this particular case, two parties to a private conversation are disputing a portion of the conversation's content. In the months since the disputed conversation there has been no sign of a dispute until one party was fired by the better party.  

Leftist Terrorist From Belleville Attacks GOP Baseball Team

A leftist terrorist from Belleville, Illinois opened fire on the GOP congressional baseball team during a practice wounding five. The terrorist John Hodgkinson volunteered for the Bernie Sanders presidential campaign and appears to have been radicalized to violent action by the months long hateĀ  spewed by the fake news media against elected US President Donald Trump and his agenda of summoning The Great Again.

This terrorist attack marks a substantial escalation of leftist violence in the current "cold" US civil war. Previously legislators from the GOP had merely been threatened with violence for their alignment with Donald Trump, but actual leftist violence was mostly restricted to attacks on their own institutions.

The terrorist's hometown of Belleville is a leftist stronghold and has been subject to a dramatic increase in violence over the past decade as guerillas from East Saint Louis have captured and settled substantial portions of the long blighted community. Hopefully the Trumpreich will consider allĀ  options for solving the leftist problem in Belleville as they formulate a response to this escalation in violence.

Coblee And Coinbase Quit Each Other

Chucky Lee (WOT:coblee)), best known as the chief forking officer of Litecoin, has quit his position at Coinbase to focus on altcorn development. During his tenure at Coinbase, customers complained of frequent outages and degraded performance, events which often conveniently coincided with swings in US dollar price against the Bitcoin standard. Coinbase is alleged to value itself at an incredible Billion fiat dollars, and claims to have coerced 7.7 million customers into using the platform. The news of Lee's resignation comes on the heels of Coinbase/GDAX seeking $100 million US dollars in venture capital funding for further development, which users ought to hope1 will be used to make the site run for more than a week without crashing.


  1. likely in vain  

Ethereum Blocks Way The Fuck Too Big: "Smart" Contract DDoS'ing Own "Initial Coin Offering" To Blame

The Bancor network, billed as a protocol for creating smart tokens using smart contracts on the Ethereum database was forced to alter the terms of its "initial coin offering" "due to massive malicious attacks on network & resulting pending transaction bottleneck". First thought by Ether huffers to be due to a bad actor attempting to prevent the "initial coin offering" from taking place, it was later discovered that transactions to the Bancor "smart" contract address itself was causing the DDoS attack on the network. During the course of the attack it was revealed that despite an advertised cap on the number of tokens proffered in the crowdsale, the contract owners could create new tokens at any time they liked at no additional cost. Despite the signs pointing to impending disaster and a possible repeat of history, the creators managed to capture over $150 million US dollars in the first 3 hours of the crowdsale.

Comey Sexually Intimidated By Trump

Synchronized editorials from the New York Times and Los Angeles Times both allege that fired FBI director James 'J. Edgar' Comey was sexually intimidated by President Trump. The two pantsuit aligned fake news outlets purport to have independently come to the conclusion that the six foot eight inch tall1 career "law enforcement" professional could not resist Trump's orders while on the job, because he felt sexually dominated by the septuagenarian president.

Years of KGB social engineering failed to feminize Comey's predecessor J. Edgar Hoover in the popular imagination to the extent his own purported testimony and his media allies have emasculated J. Edgar Comey on the record.


  1. ~2.03 meter