Coinbase To Go On Trading Vacation With "Your" Coins Over Altcoin Fork Hysteria

Earlier today fiat/Bitcoin interface Coinbase emailed their users warning them that their accounts will be suspended for an indefinite period of time beginning four hours prior to reddit's scheduled temper tantrum.

To ensure the safety of customers’ funds, we will temporarily suspend bitcoin [sic] deposits, withdrawals, and buy/sell starting approximately 4 hours before activation of either fork.

Back at power ranger hindquarters a graph theory revelation has occurred.

US Entertainer Kid Rock Takes Aim At Pantsuit Senator's Job

Pantsuit Michigan senator Debbie Unstablenow sent out a panicked email to her supporters addressing her worries regarding Kid Rock's announcement that he will run for Michigan senator on the Republican ticket.

"We don’t know if this is real or a publicity stunt, but after Donald Trump’s surprising win last year, we need to act fast."

Robert Richie, the patriotic rockstar who is fed up with all the bastards at the I.R.S. and the crooked cops and the cluttered desks, has confirmed his candidacy. Pantsuit's track record against popular entertainers hasn't been very good.

Surveillance Videos Of Mass Attack On BART Train Withheld In The Name Of Bias Prevention

Following the April 22nd raid where approximately fifty "kids" rushed a BART train resulting in seven robberies and two assaults, bipedal game wardens of the San Francisco predation zone have decided to not release their surveillance video of the incident for fear, "it would create a racial bias" between the varieties of bipedal quarry stocked on the reservation. (archived) Absent the video, Qntra is unable to make any inferences as to whom the perpetrators may be or how the video's release could create racial bias.

The MIT Administration Infiltrates Bitcoin Projects

The assorted fiat pretenders claiming to be the MIT Administration have set up systems aiming to control discussions on campus regarding Bitcoin. After appointing Brian Forde, a known USG agent, (archived) to be the leader of an alleged "Digital Currency Initiative" the institution has done nothing but actively attack the Bitcoin project from a position of ignorance. MIT has long standing relationships with many of the powerful groups in the fiat currency empire, and it stands to reason that these same groups that provide funding to MIT are likely to have massive incentives to see the Bitcoin project crippled. Continue reading