Fiat Ram Trucks May Smash Their Operators

Reluctant to relinquish its tried and true status as THE day-late-dollar-short member of not yet Great Again American automakers;  Fiat Chrysler Automobiles (FCA) announced today that it would be following in the footsteps of General Motors in recalling a great many of its great trucks for a "software error" that could end in a smushy death.

Affecting RAM 1500 and 2500 trucks built from 2013-2016 as well as big mother RAM 3500 trucks built from 2014-2016, over one million units will be recalled starting next month, significantly more than the number affected by FCA's Hot Death but only a quarter of GM's numbers from 2016.

The Dodge "software error" has been implicated in at least one death to date when side airbags and seat belt pretensioners failed to activate following an underbody collision leading to a vehicle rollover. No word on whether Dodge's engineers were also responsible for bugs in other TBTF products of Not Yet Great Again. Also no word on whether Herr Trump is planning to extend his recent Executive Order to include automakers but it would be pretty sweet if he did.

DNC Follows Clitler's Lead, Fires Entire Staff

Tom "Tommy Gun" Perez, as newly elected Chairman of the Democratic National Committee (DNC), has formally requested the resignation letters of all current staffers by April 15th, 2017. New positions will be selected by a 30-member Transition Advisory Committee composed of DNCers who will thereafter be ineligible in El Senor's new administration.

Contrary to any presumption about how sweet, safe, and care-free it is to live on the dole of the she-state, this DNC debacle demonstrates once again that nothing could be further from the truth.

Sorry for your leftism, holmes.

Hussein Bahamas To Vacation Closer To Kenya?

The doe-eyed founders of the Obama '17 Campaign for French President recently admitted to MSM that

It's definitely a joke. But it could make people think a little bit about what we could do differently in French politics.

Unsatisfied with the impending La Penmanship and the inevitable conclusion of the Nth Republique,1 this founding band of 30-something "creatives" don't appear to appreciate that Bahamas deported more people from his country and was at war longer than any other previous US President, all while greatly increasing the tax burden and doubling the national debt. Evidently, ostriches believing in the "Scandal-Free Presidency" mythology aren't unknown in the Paris area, as evidenced by the claim that

I think the whole world would love to have him as president

#pasvraiment but that hasn't stopped the increasing use of #ouionpeut.


  1. Not to mention eager to relive the glory days when foreign rulers oversaw the French / Gaulish provinces, whether that was Julius Caesar, Henry V, Henry VI, or Napolean.  

"Биткоин — это единственная в мире блокчейн" says Russian State Bank

Speaking with newspaper Kommersant, Nikita Smirnov, Vice President of Information Technology at Vnesheconombank, told reporters

Биткоин — это единственная в мире блокчейн

and

Его можно сравнить с бактерией, которая уже существует отдельно от человека и вошла с человеком в симбиоз

which roughly translates, respectively, to "Bitcoin is the world's only blockchain" and "Compare [Bitcoin] to a bacteria, which exists separately from humans, but is in a symbiotic relationship with humans". These fiat confirmations come, respectively, two-and-a-half years and over four years after these blindingly factual statements were first announced publicly to the world.

And you thought ten minute blocks were slow. Sorry for your lag.

Weakened Kryder's "Law" kills Bit-company

Despite investment from the likes of Samsung, Pelion, DCM, First Round, Horizons, and Andreessen Horowitz, cloud storage provider Bitcasa CEO Brian E. Taptich announced on the now-defunct firm's webpage today (archived) that the firm had lost its bet on the unending continuation of Kryder's Law to power its growth by bringing its costs close to zero.

Over $22 mn in 2011 – 2013 turkey dollars1 was poured into the firm, which employed upwards of 50 staff at its peak in its efforts to offer unlimited on-the-go cloud storage for USD $10 per month. Under pressure from "abusers" of the service, Bitcasa dropped the unlimited storage offering and shifted to a more typical per-terabyte pricing strategy in late 2014, putting it directly in competition with better funded rivals like Dropbox, Box, and Google, and dooming it to failure.

There's no word on where former clients such as Hong Kong's Hutchison Telecom have turned to in their time of need, or whether Mr. Taptich has finally admitted to himself the poisonous mistake of taking bad money.


  1. This is a more important clarification than it may first appear. Consider that a dollar traded at parity with bitcoin in 2011 and was only about $100 for most of 2013.  

Skype For Mac Includes Well Lubricated Back Orifice

Lending further credence the working theory that USG.MSFT is at best avoided, a backdoor in Skype for Mac OSX was recently revealed by Trustwave SpiderLabs (archived). The hole – an authentication bypass – allows any program identifying itself as "Skype Dashbd Wdgt Plugin" to attach to the Skype Desktop API, making it trivial for the attacker to access notifications and contents of incoming messages, modify messages, create chat sessions, retrieve contacts, and log and record Skype call.

The code for this game of doppleganger is no more complicated than :

  NSDistributedNotificationCenter *defaultCenter =
        [NSDistributedNotificationCenter defaultCenter];
  [defaultCenter postNotificationName:@"SKSkypeAPIAttachRequest"
                 object:(__bridge NSString *) CFSTR("Skype Dashbd Wdgt Plugin")];

Mac OSX Skype users for versions from at least the last 5 years are affected. Users are advised to upgrade to Anything But Microsoft (™).

Ontario Standardized Test Resorts To Graphite Based Security Measures

The Great Again : North Edition made an entirely expected about-face this week when The Education Quality and Accountability Office (EQAO) announced that the next Ontario Secondary School Literacy Test (OSSLT) will eschew their recently implemented online exam in favour of the tried and true paper format (archived). Citing a "cyberattack" during their October 20th online trial as the primary cause of the technological regression, there's no word on when EQAO will meaningfully stand behind their Q in the digital world.

Sorry for your lead.

Nth French Republic Sending Tourists To Belgium For Death

In an attempt to ease the pain of the lost business from folks who can no longer stand the stench of the Nth Republic centred in Al-Paris, Brugmann University hospital’s Michele Morret-Rauis wants to assure the world that all is well :

Of course, Belgium is not here to euthanize half the planet.

Of course! If half the planet lived under the unbearable burden of multicultural socialism, then maybe, but thankfully that's not the case, and only Europe and the Americas1 are so offensively afflicted. Nonetheless, "euthanasia tourists" are flocking to Belgium in droves, with assisted suicides doubling to 2`023 in the last five years alone, nearly half of which are French (archived). Rest in Peace in our Time.


  1. Or just ~2/7 billion homo sapiens on Earth. 

FDA Prepares To Regulate Literal Shitware

Despite small-scale studies indicating that poo replacement treatment – known as Fecal Microbiota for Transplantation (FMT) – can be more effective than vancomycin at combatting Clostridium difficile infections, USG.FDA is preparing to regulate the emerging market in order to protect its Big Pharma supporters. Also, given that highly antibiotic resistant C. difficile pathogens are the leading cause of nosocomial infections in American community hospitals, that USG.Hospital wants to solve the problems it made itself is largely par for the course.

Intent on entangling FMT treatment in a bureaucratic quagmire to rival AML/KYC,1 USG.FDA's proposed regulations would deprive needy Americans of doctor-facilitated avenues for treatment, pushing even more folks into the smelly back alleys of the dark web, if only 10.5g at a time.

Sorry for your loose2


  1. APL/KYB anyone ? 

  2. stool, c. diff is a bitch.  

Tree Nuts Liberated In California

In a state known for enviro-mentalism, exorbitant housing prices, inoffensive wine, and year-round surfing, a $9.3 bn per year industry is being skimmed by asset liberators other than those in Sacramento and Washington (archived). These non-violent crimes – stealing truckloads of physical altcoins in the shapes of almonds, pistachios, and a variety of other tree nuts – are apparently being conducted using falsified documentation, laptops, and cell phones, tools widely known to be used by scammers and terrorists and probably next in line for the political firing squad after the beloved AR-15. Last year, 310.847 tons of untraceable anonymous tree nuts valued at $4.6 mn were reported stolen.

Unable to contend with unknown bands of brazen thieves stomping on their turf, California's State Assembly is looking to flush even more taxpayer money it doesn't have down the drain by creating an "Agricultural Cargo Theft Task Force" to contend with the rising challenge. Sorry for your nuts.