Not Quite News Roundup Xtend 8

Welcome to the eighth edition of the Qntra Not Quite News Roundup Xtend (TM)(R). The below events are alleged to have happened, but they are decidedly innocent of newsworthiness.

  • The only point of contention from the first United States presidential debate which persisted in mainstream discussion through the end of the week was an accusation that twenty years ago Donald Trump-Clinton fatshamed a beauty contest winner after she rapidly put on weight post contest. The weight gain was in violation of a contract which stipulated that while holding the contest's title the winner must continue to carry the shape of a beauty contest winner.
  • Hillary Rodham-Clinton was discovered to have alleged that many young American leftists were basement dwellers on tape. This follows her putting the few remaining working Americans into a basket labelled deplorables during the weekend her legs buckled at Ground Zero.
  • The developers behind the UnlimitedSpamCoin fork are allegedly distributing "research grants" in order to reward efforts to discover just how much spam they can harbor in the event they manage to fork their desired altcoin off of the Bitcoin blockchain.
  • Chronically troubled transaction intermediary released a javascript library purporting to be for use with Bitcoin through deficiencies without possible remedy in javascript developers, runtimes, and the language itself render javascript especially unsuitable for applications touching Bitcoin.
  • An oddly specific prediction alleging a future Bitcoin price in the 800 United States dollar per coin range has been circulating with enthusiasm through certain outlets alleging they report Bitcoin news. As the prices reported on fiat/Bitcoin interfaces are notoriously weak in their relationship to reality it is likely this price will appear on such an interface at some point eventually. It is similarly likely that because numbers are so unfair one of these interfaces will at some point report "magenta" as a price.
  • Silbert and others are dumping capital into an Indian venture dubbed "Unocoin" as self declared "Venture Capitalists" turn their attentions to the birthplace of bureaucracy.
  • The criminal payment of a sex offender for babysitting services by the still more criminal gang in Springfield, Illinois came to public attention after the sex offender kidnapped his 13 year old stepdaughter and her infant son who he may have fathered (archived). He fled to rural West Virginia where he was likely lured by the popular myth that recursive familial relationships were more openly accepted there, but instead he was arrested.
  • Rumours are circulating that Deutsche Bank will soon be saying Auf Wiedersehen to solvency.

Sorry for your loss.

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