Kim Jung Un Bans Sarcasm

North Korean leader Kim Jung Un has banned sarcasm in the Democratic People's Republic of Best Korea out of fear that his people are only expressing their support for him ironically (archived). In related news last Friday the FBI dumped substantial information about Hillary Clinton's slovenly email habits. The highlight of the dump was the disclosure that Hillary told the FBI that she though that the letter "C" preceding select paragraphs indicated alphabetical order rather than the information's "CONFIDENTIAL" classification.

Meanwhile Donald Trump-Clinton continued advancing his position that Russian President Vladimir Putin is a better leader and a better man than United States lame duck Oval Office occupier Hussein Bahamas.

Libertarian candidate Gary Johnson, who is set to spoil the election for Hillary1, in rare mainstream media coverage is being assailed for allegedly not knowing what Aleppo is during an interview. Aleppo is one of many cities in Syria being decimated in their civil war, and neither Aleppo nor its residents matter.

Meta spoiler Green Party criminal Jill Stein who intents to spoil Gary Johnson's campaign to spoil Hillary's campaign2 now has open warrants for her arrest in North Carolina. Stein faces charges of criminal trespass and criminal mischief after undertaking a campaign to damage valuable excavating equipment as part of her meta-spoiler campaign.

Peace in our time. Sorry for your lulz.

  1. In the sense that the voter motivations in this election are split between those who support Donald Trump-Clinton, those who oppose Donald Trump-Clinton, and those who oppose opposing Donald Trump-Clinton the wrong way by voting Hillary and therefore supporting Gary Johnson.  

  2. Largely through aggravating the dilemma of choice, a prime method of manipulating cattle and those afflicted with SUTO. 

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