Bitcoin tells Big Banks: "Thanks for lunch!"

From October 10-11, 2014, at the Institute of International Finance Annual Membership Meeting in Washington DC, CEOs from the world's largest banks gathered together to hold hands and sing kumbaya in the hope that Bitcoin would be gentle.1

At the meeting, JP Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon is quoted as saying "Bitcoin developers 'are going to try and eat our lunch. And that’s fine. That’s called competition, and we’ll be competing.' " Dimon continued, "I agree with real time digitization, the issue I have with Bitcoin is that it's not about the technology – it's about governments. When people form nations, one of the first things they do is form a currency. Are regulators and governments really going to foster Bitcoin over a long period of time? I think the answer is no."

Reading between the lines, Mr. Dimon has read the writing on the wall and (finally) sees that Bitcoin is poised to set his paper empire ablaze, meaning that he recognizes Bitcoin's power as more than just a technology for fast/cheap payments and sees it for the world eater that it is. Despite this tardy, if well reasoned, observation, Dimon is deluded enough to imagine that he and the Big Governments on which his bank is so utterly co-dependent can choose to "foster Bitcoin" or not. As if anyone other than the cuckolded mainstream media honestly believes that such a "choice" would have any bearing on the price of tea in China. For the record: Jamie Dimon has no choice but to submit to his new Lords or to be replaced.2 That's called competition, y'know?

Mr. Dimon's colleague, CEO of Morgan Stanley James Gorman, seems similarly reluctant to submit,3 and imagines that his bank can actually take advantage of Bitcoin, as if they still had the upper hand or some shit, “You have to be respectful in the face of new technologies like Bitcoin, but you don’t capitulate. You adjust and take advantage. Consumers feel better putting their money with a brand they recognize. We have capabilities and resources that are very powerful.”

Granted, Gorman has a point here: some of his current clients may lack the agency required to become their own bank, as Bitcoin so profoundly permits, and those without the required individual sovereignty would undoubtedly rather trust Morgan Stanley's "brand power" than that of some derpy Y Combinator start-up. Not that this changes anything. The Big Banks will shrivel in direct proportion to Bitcoin's growth, but they may survive in some diminished capacity. Like Nokia or something.

Only 6 years into its blessed little life, Bitcoin has gone from "that forum thing" to "that drug thing" to "that thing that killed the bankers."

Delicious, isn't it?

  1. Of course, Bitcoin will be nothing of the sort – Bitcoin will be quite the opposite of all that is fair, nice, and fiat. That's kinda the fucking point, y'know? 

  2. No one honestly expects that he'd submit, but we look far more merciful if we at least give fiat bankers the option. 

  3. Anyone else noticing a pattern here? 

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